Dead Snow (2009) - Zombie Horror Film Review

Dead Snow, Dead Snow, Deeeead Snoooow! Ahem. I think that the biggest reason that Fargo is as good as it is, is because of the setting. Having the film take place in the snow gave the film a really distinct look. I highly doubt the film would had the same impact if it had been set in say a desert. Dead Snow as the title kind of hints at is set in a snowy location.

A group of medical students set off through the snowy wastes of Norway to their friends log cabin, for a wild holiday of drinking, twister, and snowball fights. They have not been at the cabin long when an old man shows up at the door. He gives them a brief history lesson about a group of Nazis who had fled into the nearby hills at the end of World War II after terrorising a nearby village for several years. The man unimpressed with the 'city kids' leaves. Their friend Sara who owns the cabin has not turned up (she was going to ski there) so her boyfriend sets off on his snowmobile to search for her. Soon after, the group discover a box full of gold hidden under the cabin. Pretty soon they come under attack by a group of zombie Nazis led by their zombie leader Herzog. Can the kids survive the misery of the zombie Nazis? Woooo!

I loved this film. I seem to love most zombie films (with the exception of the utterly terrible Zombie Chronicles), so I don't know that I'm that good of a reviewer being so totally biased. There has been quite a mixed reaction to Dead Snow with people either thinking it is average, or fantastic. The film is Norwegian, and so has subtitles, but these are well written, and don't get in the way of the action. The characters are a likable bunch, but it's still cool when the blood starts to fly!

The zombies can run (well a shambling type run), and roar like monsters. They follow the lead of the commanding Nazi zombie. He looks fantastic, and acts like you would expect a leader to, staying out the way of the action, and observing things through a pair of binoculars. All the zombies have a kind of intelligence to them; they usually use knives to kill their victims, and they work together.

There is lots of action here. The humans put their all into fighting the zombie Nazis using a variety of weapons. There are decapitations, severed limbs, and even a few guts spilling out. Quite bloody in places which contrasts well with the pureness of the deep snow so that everything looks hyper real. The film has quite a streak of dark humour running through it as well which was appreciated, as well as more than a few purposeful nods to the Evil Dead films.

I really enjoyed this film. It was unique as a zombie film due to its setting, and is definitely the best zombie Nazi film I have seen (not hard, it's a niche genre!)

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Return of the Living Dead Part II - Zombie Horror Film Review

I had great memories of this film.  I remember it being hilarious.  Watching it again I discovered to my horror that it is nowhere near as good as I remembered, mostly due to far too much 'comedy' over acting.

The Army are transporting some canisters (canisters which contain the zombie virus as seen in Return of the Living Dead).  One comes loose and falls near to a graveyard in a small Town.  Pretty soon 2 young bullies accidentally release the virus gas.  It seeps into the graveyard nearby.  Pretty much soon the whole Town is under zombie invasion by brain hungry undead.  With the exits to the Town blocked by trigger happy soldiers the remaining human survivors must work together to deal with the zombie threat themselves.

A few characters reappear from the first film.  The middle aged man and his new apprentice reprise their roles, this time playing 2 grave robbers.  The Army General in charge of locating the canisters is back.  It is not ever stated if this is a sequel to the first film, or if it's a re imagining.  The reprised characters throw some cheeky references to the first film such as the punk saying something along the lines of "somehow, this feels so familiar, as if it's happened before in a dream or something".

The main problem with this film is that nearly all the characters totally over act with their panicking.  It was funny in the first film, but here it is just done too much.  Characters become irritating more than anything as they scream and shout.  One of the new characters; an eccentric Dr is awful, meaning to be an oddball, and forgetful he just comes off as annoying as Hell.  He has some funny moments, such as recognising one of the zombies as a person he wrongly diagnosed in the past, but apart from that he is just not fun.

The zombies once again are able to talk, and run, but overall seem more sluggish than before.  Again there are some more intelligent zombies, such as one of the young bullies who pops up throughout the film after his victim; a McCauly Culkin lookalike who is the main character.  There is some cool zombie violence, one has it's face caved in when punched, another is shot in half, and ends up crawling after his still walking legs.  No midget zombies this time around.  The main problems with the zombies is that they are no longer invincible.  A way to properly re-kill them is discovered by the survivors reducing their threat.

The film is ok, and can be funny in places, but too many times the film tries too hard to be funny and fails.  The script is nowhere near as good as the last film, the zombies are played far too much for laughs, and the humans mostly real annoying, though does feature an actor who went on to have a big part in the excellent Twin Peaks!  This can be picked up very cheap now, just don't go in expecting a film as good as Return of the Living Dead.

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The Return of the Living Dead (1985) - Comedy Zombie Horror Film Review

I love The Return of the Living Dead so much, though made in 1985 it still thrills me, and makes me laugh as much as it did the first time I saw it. It is a spoof sequel to Night of the Living Dead. In this film it is implied that George Romero got his idea for his film from a 'real' event that happened in Pennsylvania.

It is the 80's, time of punks. One such punk is on his first day at a job at a medical supply warehouse.  He asks his old co-worker what the strangest thing the warehouse has ever received was. The co-worker takes him to the basement and shows him these canisters. He tells the new worker that the canisters were accidentally sent to the medical warehouse by the Army. Each canister has a dead body contained within. Sure of their durability the man kicks the canister, unfortunately this releases a poisonous gas which knocks the two out. They awake to find the canister empty, heading upstairs they find the dead in their warehouse have come to life. This includes butterflies in a display case, split dogs, and a corpse which had been in the freezer. Eventually with their bosses help they chop up the zombies and take them to a nearby mortuary where they incinerate the corpses. Meanwhile the punks friends have gone to a nearby cemetery to have a party while waiting for their friend to leave work. Anyway, things start to go very pear shaped when the incinerated corpses release a toxic cloud which seeps into the graveyard reanimating all the dead there. Pretty soon there is total chaos as the dead rise, and the survivors run around screaming their heads off mostly.

This film is really funny.  The duo of the middle aged worker, and his young punk co-worker is hilarious. Together they have the best dialogue, and are totally manic together, reminding me of two Basil Fawlty's (or John Cleese's). The other characters are mostly of a high standard. The calm mortician being a close favourite to those two.

The zombies are fantastic. Trying to kill them as seen in the George Romero film they discover the zombies are near indestructible. Destroying the brain, hacking bodies to pieces, acid, gun shots; nothing works. Even an arm on its own can cause havoc as it strangles and tears at the victims. The zombies are intelligent, can run, and can talk. One scene which the ace zombie-core band Send More Paramedics got their name from involves the zombies on an ambulance radio calling repeatedly for more paramedics. Each new batch that turn up quickly getting ripped apart by the hiding zombie hordes. The zombies crave living brains, and chant "braaains" all the time, and the recently infected humans seem to have more power and intelligence than the resurrected graveyard corpses. One such zombie chasing his girlfriend shouting "let me eat your brains!".

The film has a great punk soundtrack to it. Being set in a empty industrial estate, and being cordoned off means the film can really focus on the small groups of humans. They are funny in that they are mostly just totally panicking, with no idea what to do save from barricading everything they can.

The films ending is really cool, overkill, but is both effective at wrapping up the tale, as well as leaving room for a sequel (of which there are at least four pretty much unrelated further entries). The film is essential viewing for any zombie fan, and for any horror fan in general. It is a great introduction to the zombie genre.  Essential viewing!

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Soul - Horror Videogame Review (X-Box Indie)

Soul is a short puzzle type game that sees you guiding a soul around various mazes without touching the walls.

The game starts with a patient in a Hospital bed dying.  Out of the patients body comes a glowing blue orb; this is what you control in the game.  Your aim is to escape the confines of the Hospital so that you can ascend to Heaven, avoiding Demons on the way who want to take you to Hell.

The whole premise of the game is like one of those metal maze things where you cant touch the metal bar with the metal hoop.  Touching the sides of the various maze type rooms you are in results in the soul vanishing, and having to start again from the start of the maze room.  There is lots of variation in this though. Starting off in the Hospital you travel into the Sewers before escaping into the outside world for your final challenge. The mazes all look logical; eg: corridors and stairwells, various pipes, the intestines of a large animal, and offer enough variation that things never get boring.

The art for this game is fantastic.  Fantastic hand drawn, and painted backgrounds which look straight out of a book.  They are packed with detail which along with the fantastic sound effects create real atmosphere.  There is no music in the game, so the sound effects are used to create a feeling of being in a real place, weather it be dripping pipes, the sound of a thunderstorm, or the scurry of rats and squeaking of bats in the background.

The game world feels like a bad place, everything is dank and depressing, it's only really at the games end where there is a sense of beauty in the surroundings.  The Demons make a awful roaring noise, and the only human seen in the game nearly made me fall off my seat in shock!

The game only took me about 20 minutes to complete, but it's all about perfecting your time, and it is very well self contained and doesn't feel rushed.  At 80 Microsoft points this is well worth buying.

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'48 by James Herbert (A Zombie Book Review)

James Herbert is one of my fave horror authors.  I got into him after picking up The Fog which I mistook to be the inspiration for John Carpenter's classic film.  The Fog was actually a zombie tale about a poisonous fog that turns anyone who comes into contact with it into a homicidal maniac.  '48 is another zombie tale with a difference, as the title suggests the book takes place in 1948.

The book follows an alternate history.  At the end of the 2nd World War Hitler knowing he was defeated launched some special V-2 rockets at Britain.  The V-2 rockets were filled with chemicals which unleashed a virus known as the Blood Death.  The Blood Death spread over the entire Country (and it is implied the World) infecting virtually every single living human.  Of these infected nearly all died agonising deathes straight away as the blood in thier bodies forced its way out of thier bodies.  The remaining infected live a half life, thier skin rotting, thier motor functions slowed down as thier blood coagulates in thier bodies. People with AB Negative blood types were unaffected by the disease.  Hoke, a American pilot is one such person.  For 3 years he has survived in dead London, constantly being hunted by a group of infected facist blackshirts who believe his blood holds the key to thier survival.

The book starts off exciting, and never really lets off.  Hoke is in one of his hideouts (revealed at chapters end to be Buckingham Palace) trying to escape as heavily armed blackshirts attempt to capture him.  His survival is attributed to the fact that the blackshirts want him alive, so he knows he can take risks, plus the blackshirts are slow, meaning for instance they take ages to be able to reload thier weapons, and the blackshirts are also quite cautious as any wound they get simply would not heal due to the Blood Death they are infected with.  Hoke is accompanied by his dog Cagney (it seems animals were not affected) and sees himself safest being alone.  In the 3 years since the event he has not seen any uninfected, and has gone slightly crazy.

Midway through the first quarter of the book Hoke is discovered by other uninfected; 2 women, and a German who Hoke takes an immediate hatred to.  He is unable to forget the war, and sees all Germans as Nazi's and evil, this is one of the characters flaws.  The women however see any uninfected as friendly, and stick up for the German (Stern).

There is lots of descriptions of the dead in London.  As nearly all were infected the bodies all lay were they died.  The underground, and Hospitals for instance are packed with dead.  Lots of time is spent describing the dead; men, women, and children.  Dead are everywhere, in cars, in beds, sitting at tables.  The animal survivors are described as parasites.  Ravens, Rats, and Dogs all shown as rabid monsters, feasting on the flesh of the dead, and even attacking the living.  Hokes disgust of these parasites is often described.

There is not much downtime during the book.  The few scenes were action is not happening are purposly shown to be temporary, Hoke ever on edge waiting for the next attacks from the Blackshirts who always seem to know where he is.  There is character development, the German, the two women Cissie, and Muriel, as well as the Air Raid Warden Potter all provide background for themselfs, showing who they were before the choas, and how they have survived for so long in the dead world.  The Blackshirts are led by a man called Hubble.  Hubble and Hoke are deadly adversaries, having seen each other many times during the fighting. The Blackshirts while English are all fascists, who believe in the Nazi ideology.  Hubble really believes he is special, and that he can recreate the world in his image, and that the blood death was a test for him.  The infected having no hope flocked to him.

The book has betrayals, deaths, sex, and violence as well as the overall theme of what it is to be human, and coping with loss and tragerdy and rising above it to be a better person.  I'm no good at book reviews, but still, I enjoyed this book!

Castlevania The Adventure: ReBirth (2010) - Horror Videogame Review (WiiWare)

The Castlevania series is one of my all time faves, consistently good games with only a few misses.  When I heard that the 1989 Gameboy game Castlevania: The Adventure was being remade for WiiWare I was excited. The game has turned out a lot better than I hoped, keeping the graphics good, rather than changing them all for polygons (which I had feared). Note the game is not actually a remake, but instead a reimagining.

Being a Castlevania game usually means no real story to speak of. That is the case here, but this is not a bad thing for the series, I wouldn't have it any other way! Basically Castlevania, the home of Count Dracula has reappeared. As a descendant of Simon Belmont you have the power to use the mighty Vampire Killer (a magical whip that is said to be the only weapon able to defeat Dracula), so you head off to infiltrate the castle and defeat him yet again.

The game is a level based 2D platformer, and is very similar in look to previous Castlevania games, again not a bad thing. There are six levels in all, all taking place in a different section of Castlevania.  Each level is split up into about ten different shorter sections, and feature alternate routes, as well as a mid-boss, and end of level boss. Well in truth there are five levels, the sixth being just a boss fight with Dracula.

The music for the game is fantastic, most the tunes have shown up in previous Castlevanias but are remixed here. Castlevania has always had the best video game music. The levels are from locations which have all featured in other Castlevanias. You get the clock tower level, the entrance halls level etc, but all look cool. The graphics are of a higher quality than SNES and look very crisp and solid even on my forty two inch screen.

Enemies are the usual suspects. Yet again I say this is not a bad thing! The enemies have all been remade, so look slightly different to how they usually do. Floating medusa heads, mudmen, armour, skeletons, bats, mermen etc. fantastic! No zombies though, oh well. One thing I did notice is that this game loves eyeballs. Most levels feature large rolling eyeballs, one of Dracula's special moves is to drop loads of rolling small eyeballs at you, and the end of level boss for Level 1 is in fact a gigantic eyeball! Talking of bosses; the bosses in this game are all real cool. Having two per level means more variety, and some normal enemies from previous Castlevanias have been upgraded to boss status!  Favourites such as the giant bat, stone golem, and of course Death appear with other promoted bosses, such as a succubus, and an enchanted sword. One cool boss I had not seen before was a Jekyll and Hyde man who could alternate between a slim fast man, and a hulking rock throwing brute.

The whip you use can be upgraded by collecting orbs hidden in the levels, the final form giving you limited power to shoot fireballs from the whip. The usual secondary weapons are all here as well, you know; axes, knifes, crucifixes, and the ever useless stopwatch (that lets you pause the enemies for a few seconds).

I can't be unbiased, I admit I love all the Castlevania games. This is no different. Castlevania: The Adventure ReBirth costs 1000 Wii Points, and it took me two and a half hours to complete in one sitting (there is no way to save the game), but includes alternate routes through levels, as well as unlocking random things upon completion.

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Doghouse (2009) - Zombie Horror Film Review

Doghouse is a British horror comedy set in a remote English village. It is very much a lads film with lots and lots of misogynistic views, and laddish behaviour going on.

A group of friends in their late thirties head off for a boozy weekend trip to the remote village of Moodley. They are going for the benefit of Vince, one of their friends who is in a bad way due to a recent divorce. They arrive to find the village is a complete dump, and seemingly deserted. Quite soon they are under attack by homicidal man-hating flesh eating feminist cannibals. The whole female population of Moodley have turned psychotic. In a village where the females outnumber males four to one this is a very bad place for the sexist lads to be.

Doghouse is funny, it reminded me quite a bit of Shaun of the Dead, though not as good, several bits were even laugh out loud funny. The film really doesn't take itself seriously. The weapons the lads use to battle the zombies (or zombirds as they are called) are hilarious. 'Weapons' used include a remote controlled car, a frisbee, a bucket of tar, a super soaker, a football, and a plastic toy sword. There's a funny line in the film something like "right, we need to find a weapon that doesn't have 'made in Taiwan' printed on it". 

The dialogue is what makes the film as funny as it is, being frequently hilarious, the plot may be a bit vacant, but the script makes up for it. Whether it be the survivors discussing if they would still 'do' the females despite them being zombies, or the debacle over the house there supposed to be staying at there is lots here to give real character to these male stereotypes.

The zombies are flesh eaters, but all use weapons rather than their hands to attack the men. The Wicca shop owner is armed with a fake sword, the hairdresser has two pairs of lethal looking scissors, while the lollipop lady is armed with her stop sign. The zombies are of the slow shambling kind to begin with, but later evolve into more aggressive, faster, and stronger zombies. They all look great, being really done up, and there are many many different types of look, it seems when the virus struck the females were all out at their respective jobs. The zombies also have some type of thought as well. The fat zombie has a birthday cake with human fingers instead of candles, the butcher has strung up various body parts on meat hooks, a neat touch. The zombies appear to be easier to kill, rather than destroying the brain, any type of body trauma can stop them.

The message of the film seems to be to just be yourself, and don't try and change for females. The characters are mostly all misogynists in a stereotypical laddish way, though the most misogynistic character does go through the most hassle with the females. There is no change for these characters, in fact the events of the film would probably back up their view of women.

Doghouse was a funny film, hilarious in places. A quite surreal ending, but it fitted the films tone well.  Well worth seeing if your after some British zombie comedy!

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Chronos (1993) - Horror Film Review

Chronos was released in the early 90's, it's by Guillermo Del Toro (whose later works include Hellboy, Pan's Labyrinth and The Devil's Backbone)  The film is a vampire tale, but quite different to the traditional vampire story.

An old antiques dealer called Jesus discovers a golden beetle shaped amulet in a statue he has in his store.  While fiddling with it a mechanism inside the amulet activates which results in metal legs clamping onto the antique dealers hand, and a golden stinger piercing his skin. An elderly dying man, and his meat head thuggish son (Ron Perlman) have been looking for the amulet for many years, as the old man believes it grants immortality. Discovering the location of it the man gets his thug to start a process of harassment against Jesus which results in Jesus's apparent murder.  Jesus had been reluctant to give up the amulet as it has been making him feel, and look younger the more he uses it.  But the power of the amulet comes at a cost; the user of the amulet craves blood, and needs blood to stop themselves rotting away.

The film looks dated now, almost 80-ish in it's look, but had interesting aspects to it. The film was made in Mexico, and is all in Spanish with English subtitles. The acting is quite good, Ron Perlman in particular is really good. He is a bumbling almost comedic character, forever cursing his Dad who keeps sending him on what he believes to be fools errands, but scared of him. Despite this his character is quite violent and brutal, having no qualms over killing or causing pain and misery which makes him a bit more chilly than straight out funny. The character of Jesus is ok, kinda puts across the addiction the amulet gives.

The vampire aspect is there in that the amulet bearer burns up in sunlight, and craves human blood, but the bearer resembles a zombie more than a vampire. Not drinking human blood results in Jesus becoming nothing more than a walking corpse with stiff jerky movements. One scene in which he attempts to write a letter to his wife sees him trying hundreds of times as his stiff hands just are not up to the job of writing.

There is a feeling of pity to Jesus's character, he never wanted any of what happened to him, it was all an accident. Constantly with him is his young niece, a small girl who is his only solace. She looks after him, and follows him around not disgusted by the monster he has become. Most the film she is totally silent, but seems full of love towards her grandad.

I don't think I would ever watch this film again. I'm glad I did see it, but it is a product of its time and feels a bit stodgy, and dark (as in a lot of film is set in dark places, not the theme). Chronos was a good film, just not a great film. It is interesting to see where Del Toro came from though.

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Apocalypse of the Dead/Zone of the Dead (2009) - Zombie Film Review

I noticed yesterday that I have not been as up to date with zombie posts as I originally intended to be when creating this blog. Despite owning over seventy zombie films, my zombie film reviews are few and far between due to my terrible goldfish memory. I brought Apocalypse of the Dead kind of by accident, as I thought I was getting George Romero's latest travesty Survival of the Dead, luckily it was a happy accident! Note that in America the film was released under the title Zone of the Dead.

The film is set in Belgrade, Serbia. A group of agents are tasked with taking a dangerous prisoner across the country so that he can be transferred to Britain. Unfortunately this occurs the same time the Serbian army are doing an 'exercise' in the area which results in the accidental unleashing of a green gas that turns all who come into contact with it into a flesh eating zombie. Pretty soon the agents, their prisoner (who seems to know more about the zombies than anyone), and some random civilians are holed up in a police station as hordes of undead batter on the windows. To survive they are going to have to work together.

The film was released in 2009, so is quite modern in look, and the film is more professional than I expected with good zombie effects, and a rocking soundtrack.  Ken Foree (Dawn of the Dead) stars as an Interpol agent. He is looking his age in some ways, but despite being kind of tubby now, he is still real cool. The other acting is of various qualities.  

Ken is one of the only naturally English speaking actors in the whole film.  Despite being made and filmed in Serbia the whole thing is in English. Some characters are good at English. Others look and sound like they are reading a language they do not understand, this is especially of note with the Presidents secretary. Her pronunciation of English is so bad that I really struggled to understand what the heck she was trying to say, I could only make out a few words of anything she said. The third set of actors are those who basically cannot speak English at all, these actors are dubbed...terribly! I can't understand how terrible dubbing can be, special note goes to the porter at the train station who has his back to the camera anytime he speaks! Hilarious. It was obviously made to appeal to an English speaking audience, but Serbian with English subtitles might have been preferable.

The plot is very generic, but this one of the things I really liked about the film.  With the exception of the evil biker gang/military unit all zombie conventions happen, such as one of the humans being bitten, later to unexpectedly turn, the survivor who has a panic attack and pulls down the barricades protecting the group etc. There are a few cheeky nods to Dawn of the Dead;  for instance when one of the survivors suggests barricading themselves in a Shopping Mall, Foree says something to the effect of "trust me, that would not work, eventually the zombies would get in" in a knowing way.

The zombies themselves are cool, and borrowing from the Left4Dead games there are even special infected.  The first victims to turn to zombies are able to run and climb, and have inhuman animal roars they can use to direct the normal zombies. The zombies are made up to look far different than just people in make up, they look like monsters. There is lots of cool violence with various body parts being sliced off, and various decapitations, as well as a severed head using its still attached spinal column to flap around on the floor like a fish.

Apocalypse of the Dead was surprisingly fun to watch. Generic as hell, but I love that in the zombie genre. Do not be put off by the utterly terrible DVD cover art! It's misleading but less than the almost identical cover art for the awful The Zombie Diaries.

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Pan's Labyrinth - Horror Film Review

An ex friend brought me Pan's Labyrinth as a Christmas present a few years back. Despite knowing it was supposed to be great I have only just got round to watching it. It is a spiritual successor to Del Toro's ghost story The Devil's Backbone. Rather than a ghost story, this time around the story is one of dark fantasy.

The film is set in Spain during World War 2. A girl and her heavily pregnant mother go to a remote army outpost where the mother's husband is stationed. He's the commander of the troops there who are tasked with wiping out a resistance movement that is operating in the forests around the base. The commander is very cold and brutal and shows no love to the child or her mum, just obsessed with the woman giving birth to his son so that he has a successor. The girl is obsessed with fairy tales; next to the base is a labyrinth. Led there one night by a fairy, she comes across an entrance to a mysterious dungeon type place. There she finds a creepy looking fawn monster. The fawn tells the girl she is the reincarnation of a princess who left the underworld many years ago. To be able to go to the underworld and take her place as a princess she has to pass three tasks.

The film is split into two parts. Half the story is focused on the army leader and his search for the resistance fighters, as well as the staff of the house he is staying at who are secretly offering aid to the resistance. The other half is fantasy with the young girl going about her three tasks so that she can enter the underworld. 

The army leader is very brutal, and most the films violence involves him in some capacity. He is shown early on to be evil when he smashes a civilian's face in with a bottle. He is also involved in a scene where someone gets a smile cut into their face in a scene that The Dark Knight shied away from showing and just insinuated. Quite gruesome!

The monster effects are really really good. The fawn looks otherworldly, but not fake, as do the various other monsters that appear. The best scene in the film involves one such monster, a humanoid whose eyes are in the palms of it's hands. This sequence was quite tense indeed.

I was really impressed with this, the fantasy and the normal sequences are very well done, with the acting of a high standard. You can always tell when your watching a good foreign film because you forget that you are reading subtitles due to being so involved in what's happening; that happened here.

A really good, affecting story with many layers to it. I would go as far to say Pan's Labyrinth is essential viewing, though don't expect many laughs, this is quite a serious moody film.

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Masters of Horror: The V Word - Horror TV Series Episode Review

Here it is, the last episode of Season 2 of Masters of Horror.  I don't recognise the director for this episode, the actual story was written by Mick Garris who came up with the idea for Masters of Horror in the first place.  The V Word is a classic Vampire tale, very bloody.

Two videogame geeks decide to go to a mortuary to see a dead body of a jock from their year at school who had died recently.  Though one of the geeks cousin is supposed to be working the night shift there, the place is deserted.  It's dark and creepy there, and Gothic organ music is coming from upstairs.  Kinda freaked out the geeks go to leave, only to find the door to the mortuary locked.  Scooby-Doo like they explore the creepy house looking for a alternate exit, stumbling around and walking into dead bodies.  Finally they discover a fire exit, but also a whole host of dead bodies on gurneys, including the cousin of one of the geeks.  The cousin has recently had his throat ripped open.  After discovering this one of the corpses comes to life, a Nosferatu type Vampire.  One of the geeks is caught and seemingly killed, while another one escapes.  Unfortunately the Vampire follows him home...

The episode is set in modern day, and starts with a montage of one of the geeks playing Doom 3 on the X-Box 360 (it is compatible, but odd they would use a last gen game on the 360).  The videogame nerd stereotype is quite apparent, but not to the point where it is insulting.  Nearly though.  The characters comment how much the mortuary is like a level from one of their videogames, and how there so used to seeing dead bodies in games it's about time they saw a real life one.  At the episodes end a character says 'it's Game Over' which made me wince.

The episode is very bloody with lots of throats being tore open, and sliced, lots and lots of blood and gore.  Michael Ironside is ace as the master vampire, really veiny and crazy looking, the geeks as vampires look quite terrible though, especially one of them who really overacts with his 'cool vamp' thing he has going on. 

It is a very basic story, and it does drag to begin with, but later the episode does improve somewhat, it's dumb, and fun, a good end to the series.

Overall Masters of Horror series 2 just hasn't been as good as Season 1.  Season 1 had far more nudity and gore while the episodes in Season 2 where much more of a mixed bag.  Still I hope a third season is created.  As long as they keep making them I will keep watching them.

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Dream Cruise (2005) - Masters of Horror Episode Review

Dream Cruise is the Japanese effort for Season two of Masters of Horror. It is directed by Norio Tsuruta whose films I have never seen (include Ringu 0, and Premonition). The episode is a ghost story, told in a creepy Japanese style.

The episode revolves around three characters. An American attorney, Yuri, the woman he is having an affair with, and Yuri's rich husband. They are together on the husbands small luxury boat. He is a client of the attorney, but it becomes apparent that he knows about the affair that is going on with his wife. Before things come to a head though the boat engine dies. Stranded in the ocean with no chance of help things get worse when the vengeful spirit of the wealthy man's first wife appears to get her unholy revenge on those she sees responsible for her watery death.

The majority of the episode is confined to the small cruise ship The Yuri. The three characters interactions are really good, and as a threesome they play off each other well, each knowing the secret of the affair, but none revealing that knowledge. What first seems like a episode that is going to be about the wronged husband turns into something more with the arrival of the evil spirit. The spirit is creepy in the usual Japanese ghost way; a woman with lots of dark hair covering her face. The woman looks quite slimy, her skin and clothes having a sticky sheen to them, and her skin glowing slightly green.

The episode works very well, the small location never getting stale, the creepiness comes and stays. I don't know what it is about Japanese horror, but it always scares me far more than it really has any right to. It is no exception here. While not terrifying, it is definitely the most creepy tale of Season two (not that that has been hard). Though filmed in Japan most the episode everyone speaks in English, though this is plausible with an American character who professes to not knowing much Japanese. The acting is of a good standard, Daniel Gillies seems a very serious focused actor who really wants the episode to be as effective as possible. Japanese horror is nearly always good from the moderate amount of it I have seen.  Well worth a watch.

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The Damned Thing - Masters of Horror Episode Review

The Damned Thing is Tobe Hoopers (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) episode for Season 2 of Masters of Horror.  It is at it's heart a monster story, but with lots of madness inspired horror also.

Sean Patrick Flanery (The Boondock Saints) stars as Kevin; Sheriff of a small, slow paced Texan Town.  In his childhood he witnessed a horrific incident at his family home where the arrival of a black oil type substance led to his Father becoming enraged, gunning down Kevin's Mother and then pursuing Kevin in a bid to kill him also, before being ripped apart by an unseen demonic force.  24 years later it seems that whatever happened that night is going to occur again as the Townsfolk slowly descend into violent madness killing themselves and each other in nasty ways.  Kevin's aim is to escape the Town, along with his young son, and estranged Wife while avoiding the madness that is sweeping the place.

The film is at times very heavily similar to John Romero's The Crazies, with Townsfolk being insane it's not hard to see the likeness.  Unlike that film though there is no outside intervention, and has a supernatural cause.  The plot is exciting, but it does appear that the script writer had no idea how to end the story.  There is quite a lot of violence in the film, most of note is a carpenter who beats himself to death with a hammer, and a woman whose body got sliced in half after a car crash.

The characters are interesting, and some of them you even come to care about.  The Sheriffs inept almost comedic friend (can't recall the actors name; he was one of the main characters in Freddy VS Jason) brings a light side to the episode which is mostly bleak.  A villain of the piece comes about in the form of a crazed Priest played with gleeful malice by Ted Raimi.

The film falls apart at it's end with a very low quality CGI oil monster appearing looking very fake, and as mentioned the lack of a conclusion.  The setting of a dusty small Town is well done, and the violence is cool, so overall a pretty enjoyable episode.

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