There will be Brawl - Videogame Webseries Review

'Sonic looked back, and saw with fear a missile heading for him. It struck square in the back. Tendons and muscle tore as the missile dug through his insides, crushing, and churning up his stomach parts before ejecting itself from his belly like some grotesque caesarean birth. There were no rings to save him this time, for Sonic it was game over...'

Another day, another fan fiction excerpt. I do have a point with this though, There Will Be Brawl has a most excellent and bleak portrayal of the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario is an alcoholic, while Luigi has turned drug dealer. The City is under the control of several different gangs, led by Ganon, Bowser, Mee-Two, and King Dedede who are systematically being killed off by a mysterious assassin shifting the balance of power in the City leading to doom.

There are many characters from the Smash Brothers games in here. The usual Mario characters as well as others like Sonic, Samus, Liquid Snake, Kirby and many others, all looking fantastic and twisted versions of their cutesy selves.

The show is live action, and is very dark and bleak. It is so over the top dramatic that it really comes across as hilarious considering the cute and fluffy material it's based on. There is lots of swearing, sex, drug use, and especially violence. The violence is varied ranging from Mario beating Donkey Kong to a bloody pulp with a mallet to a traumatic and poignant tragedy when Ash the innocent Poke-trainer boy and his Pokemon are senselessly blown up.

A must see. Most episodes range between 10 and 20 minutes, and there will be about 11 or 12 episodes in total I think. The later episodes are not as good as the earlier ones and the plot does get quite confusing.

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Left 4 Dead 2 - Zombie Videogame Online Review (X-Box 360)

I got to try out some Versus mode on Left 4 Dead 2 last night. I never got to play with anyone I knew, so played with complete strangers.

The campaign I did Versus mode on was the first one - Dead Center set in and around a shopping centre. As with the previous game there are 2 teams of 4. You take it in turns to be either survivors or special infected, each round taking place in a chapter of the campaign. The new zombies control very well. The charger is a joy to use, the Jockey can be a little imprecise when trying to jump on a survivors head, while I have not yet got used to how the Spitter works yet. The Boomer is as weak and useless as always.

The levels seemed better designed for the infected to get around, and more chances for sneak attacks. There seems more explosives for the survivors to use to hinder the infected. I found the Barf Bomb quite effective for attacking the special infected infected with. The defibrillator finally got put to use, but the person I resurrected with it was unaware for a bit he was back alive and so got killed again quite promptly.

Playing with strangers is always a awkward experience, much silence on my and their parts, and not really much team work, apart from slightly sticking together as survivors. Still, it was a lot of fun. Gamertag again is Happyhead UK.

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Fan Fiction - Left 4 Dead 2

Here is the first in a new series of affectionate and quaint looks at some of the best moments in zombie horror, induced with a splash of that oft called style and wit from the pen of the mighty Daniel Simmonds. Enjoy;

"Cor Blimey Guvnor thems a right pickle we're in and no mistake!" said Toby the chimney sweeper. "I would heavily agree with thee, this is a most unwelcome zombie apocalypse" Makintyre replied with a weary resignation. They had started out 4, and were now down by half. Priscilla the street whore had been dragged off into the darkness by the slimy tongue of a Smoker a few blocks back, while Tom, carpenter Tom, yes that Tom, Carpenter Tommy Tom Tomtom the burliest man in Burley had had his face dissolved off by the acidic goo of a Spitter. That bitch had paid though, Toby in rage had took a guitar to her head, severing it instantly of course, the resulting mess dissolved away much more of Tom unfortunately, his dying wish was for them to "run, run, get to a safe house, leave meeeee" or it may of been "help! help!! you bastards where are you going?!"

They were now in sight of the Military gunship, it had promised to air lift them to safety out of New Orleans. Suddenly a Tank appeared, then another, then another. They roared in unison. They in their lumbering way where soon upon Makintyre and Toby flinging them about like rag dolls. "ouch" and "ow" they jointly said, it looked bleak, it looked like the level would have to be attempted again. Out of nowhere Priscilla the street whore appeared, bloodied, but in otherwise good shape. She looked at the beaten and useless forms of the fallen duo as she ran past. The third Tank now focused on her. It ripped a massive slab of concrete out the ground and flung it, it caught Priscilla square in the stomach, crushing her insides to a minty fresh pulp. She quickly took some pills which instantly restored her to feeling well and leaped onto the Gunship. It took to life and roared off to salvation.

A note on the fan fiction; obviously that was a very emotionally charged story, I think you always have to put a bit of yourself into these things, it brought up a lot of painful memories for me, as can be seen by the thought provoking words of Tom, or by the hidden wit of Toby. I feel the anguish of the Tanks is rather explicitly shown, as is the bravado of the Smoker. Or the whole thing could be a load of balls (Not could be, it actually is, lol).

Left 4 Dead 2 - Zombie Horror Videogame Review (X-Box 360)

I got Left 4 Dead 2 yesterday, Played through all 5 new campaigns in single player, the game does feel quite different to the first.

The game this time around takes place around New Orleans, with a deep south feel to the whole game via it's music, and it's locations. The 5 campaigns each take around an hour to do (single player, on Normal). The first campaign feels much like the levels of old. Your aim is to get to a shopping centre. It really is Left 4 Dead by numbers in terms of levels design, but is a good intro level for the game. The other 4 campaigns are where things get really cool though. Number 2 - Dark Carnival as the title suggests is set in an amusement park. It features a fantastic climax as well as the games only zombie clowns. Number 3 is set in swamp land, ending in a Plantation Manor. The 4th Campaign called Heavy Rain sees you and the fellow survivors on a mission to find some petrol for your escape vehicle, during a horrific thunderstorm. This campaign is unique in that you head to an objective, and then back to the starting position. The final mission features an amazing bridge gauntlet at it's end.

The weapons are as good as always, but it's whats new that is really exciting. There are now melee weapons in the game. Cricket bats, police batons, even samurai swords all make appearances, and are very very effective in chopping up zombies. They really change the way the game is played. No longer are you as good as dead if you get surrounded by zombies, as now you can chop them all up easily. It just seems a bit odd that a guitar is just as effective as a machete in decapitating them. There is also a amazing rare chainsaw, but this only has limited use as it guzzles gas. As for the old guns, there are a bigger variety, as well as upgrades (such as laser sights) and even alternate ammo (incendiary rounds, and explosive rounds!).

There are more special infected this time. On top of the old guard of Tank, Smoker, Hunter, Witch, and Boomer there is now Spitter (spits pools of corrosive acid), the Jockey (can jump on survivors to control there movements), and Charger (like a weak version of the tank, but can juggernaut his way through the survivors). I don't know how these new specials control as have not played Versus mode yet.

The A.I for the other survivors is as average as always. They do an ok job, but are no substitute for real humans. The game has a lot of slow down in places, the last mission in particular had quite horrendous slow down as the number of infected is at it's largest there.

I like this game, I really hope I get to play it with humans, as that's the way it is supposed to be played. I never got to play the first Left 4 Dead as it was intended and as a result missed out. Gamertag is Happyhead UK if anyone wants to play!

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UPDATE 15/12/2012: I never did get to play the game with humans I knew, as such the game quickly became very boring and unsatisfying.

The Descent: Part 2 - Horror Film Review

God, it's been a long time since my last post, just been so busy at work that I haven't had time...not that I do posts whilst at work!...? Anyway, I went to the cinema last night, I saw The Descent Part 2. The first Descent was an unexpected hit with me. I saw some awful film from the 70's an age ago which followed a similar situation and had thought it would be the same, but it actually felt quite unique.

Basically in the first film a group of young women go cave exploring in some uncharted caves in America. They get lost, and then killed by a bunch of Albino blind humanoid monsters. No one survives. Yet the sequel sees one of the women escaping the caves somehow (this is kind of confusing as in the European version it is made clear no one survives, only the U.S release had someone surviving). She's taken to hospital where an old, idiot Sheriff forces her to go back underground with him and some cave rescuers to search for the rest of the girls. The survivor has amnesia, and so goes along, soon getting her memory back once yet again trapped underground. Really soon the albino monsters appear and start killing everyone yet again.

The film is set in the same location as the first, and so many of the victims from the first are still (in one case literally) hanging around. The action starts much more quickly than the first, which kills some of the tension. Also there is no build up of discovering what the monsters are, as they are the same as the first film, so are a known quantity. Again victims are harassed, chased and crapped on (again quite literally) as they attempt to yet again escape. The ending is not great, with an unexpected, yet totally dumb twist. Though a lot of characters are killed off I wouldn't be surprised if they all turn up for the third film, like the apparently dead survivors of the first turn up here.

The film was ok, but the tension and mystery of the first was lost, and as a result is just not really scary.

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Streets of Rage - Action Videogame Review (Megadrive)

I love the Streets of Rage series! It all started off with Streets of Rage. It is kinda a Final Fight clone, but it is a fantastic game in its own right which stands alone.

An un-named City is in the grip of a massive crime syndicate, ruled by a mysterious man known as Mr Big (Mr X in the later games). The crime syndicate have total control of the city with the majority of the Police force corrupt there is no one to put things right. Axel, Adam, and Blaze resign from the Force and decide to take matters into their own hands fighting their way to Mr Big via the...Streets of Rage.

The game is a scrolling beat em up which comprises of 8 levels. The levels take in such locations as a boat, a factory, a beach, and finally ends with Mr Big's penthouse. Each level ends with a boss battle. The bosses are all memorable, and require different tactics for the most part. Bosses include a fire breathing fat man, a Wrestler, a man with Freddy Kruger style claws among others. The normal enemies are quite varied as well, and act differently. Jugglers will fling objects at you, Ninjas can throw you, while Prostitutes will attack you with whips. The music is fantastic, all rave and dance style stuff which fits the ultra violence well.

The 3 characters have different strengths and weaknesses. Stupid Adam (stupid as he is kidnapped in Streets of Rage 2) is strong but slow, Blaze is fast but weak, while Axel is a mix of the 2, but his jump kicks are pathetic, making the Blaze's sisters boss battle particularly difficult in single player. Each life grants you a smart bomb in which a police car will pull up and fire a mortar/Gatling gun killing all enemies on screen.

The very best thing about the game is the fantastic bad ending. Like Double Dragon's co-op game you get to fight each other at the games end. Well just before in fact. Upon arriving at Mr Big's throne room he asks you both if you want to join his army. If one player says yes, and the other no then they fight each other. If the player who said yes wins, then Mr Big again asks the player if they want to join his army. If the player selects no and defeats Mr Big an ending shows with the player sitting on a throne, and then with comically bad animation starts to laugh while sinister music plays and the end credits scroll. Amazing!

The game can be found on the Virtual Console, as well as many Megadrive collections, definitely worth playing!

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Wes Craven's A New Nightmare - Review

Wes Craven's A New Nightmare is the 7th installment in the Elm Street series. An attractive girl on Facebook recommended it to me, which actually led to me getting back into the series as a whole. The film gets meta which makes for an interesting and original spin on the traditional slasher.

The film takes place in the 'real' world. It features many actors from previous films playing themselfs. Basically the film series ended with Elm Street 6. For 6 films some type of evil force had been contained in the character Freddy Kruger. Now the series is over the evil force is able to leave that role and start attempting to get unleashed in reality. The evil is using the actor's (who played Nancy in 1, and 3) child to come into the real world.

The film is a much darker offering than what went before. The traditional jokey Freddy Kruger appears briefly, but is Robert Englund performing for some fans. The real version of Freddy Kruger is much more menacing, and scary. He appears wearing a dark trenchcoat and fedora, he doesn't make jokes, or act goofy, he just acts with pure evil intent. His clawed glove is now much more organic looking, made out of bone and muscle, like an extension of him rather than an actual weapon. It's far into the film before Freddy is seen in full, it's a shame as I would have really liked to see more of him as it's such an interesting departure.

It's been a fair few weeks since I saw this, so my mind is a bit fuzzy on it, so not too interesting a review. Needless to say, while not a classic, it is definatly worth watching if you have any sort of interest in the horror series.

Death Jr: Root of Evil (2008) - Horror Video Game Review Part 2 (Nintendo Wii)

An update from yesterday's post. I have now completed Death Jr: Root of Evil. It was about eighteen levels long (including three boss levels). The game progressively got more difficult, and frustrating, and the locations turned quite bland. The last set of levels is all set in boring looking caves and forest areas, the amazing music turns into just ambiance, and the end of game boss battle doesn't even have any music!

Combat turned into a bit of a problem. Your melee attacks become less effective as due to lack of a block your energy bar can quickly get knocked away. Nearly all the enemies later in the game constantly throw powerful projectiles at you with scary accuracy, add this to some tricky platforming, and constantly respawning enemies and frustration appears. It would be fair to say that the main way I died in the second half of the game was by enemies cheaply shunting me off platforms to my death in lava pits.

Death Jr: Root of Evil was good, but the first half is definitely a lot better than the more crowded and bland latter half, it's a shame there was such a noticeable shift in quality

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Death Jr: Root of Evil (2008) - Horror Videogame Review Part 1 (Nintendo Wii)

Death Jr is a 3D deceptively cutesy platformer, it is a remake/re-release of a 2006 PSP game. You play as either Death Jr (a skeletal boy wielding a scythe) or Pandora (a goth girl with a bony whip) who accidentally release a evil plant based villain who plans to rule the world. They have to work through about nineteen levels of platforming action to thwart her plans.

I had assumed the game was a kids game, but playing it I realised the humour is much more in the vein of Tim Schafer, and odd ball. The game features odd characters such as a limbless boy in a vat of liquid, and a girl with bleeding holes in her hands called 'Stig-Martha'. The humour is kinda dark in places, and more for a teenage audience (eg: one level is called Morning Woods. I have only played through around eight levels, but it has been quite fun. The first place I did was a toy graveyard, complete with plenty of zombie teddies rising out the ground to attack me. The second location I visited was a science lab, enemies comprised of experimented lab rats.

I don't know how the Pandora character controls, but Death Jr controls great. You can use his scythe not only as a weapon, but also as a tool to swing from bars and hooks, to glide across gaps, and to help you climb onto unreachable platforms. As well as the scythe you also get a variety of different guns to use, ranging from pistols, to shotguns and rocket launchers which use the Wii-remote to aim.

The music is excellent, and the graphics are good for a touched up PSP game. The Wii controls which can destroy some Wii games are used sparingly here which really helps. If the rest of the game stays as fun as the first half then it should be cool.

(Part two of the review)

Paranormal Activity - Horror Film Review

Paranormal Activity - supposedly the most frightening film of the year. I entered the cinema excited, but sceptic. Is it actually as terrifying as the hype states?

The film belongs to the 'found footage' sub genre of horror (the most famous example of this genre being The Blair Witch Project). The film starts with some text stating that what is to be shown is all real footage filmed by a couple called Katie and Myka. Basically weird stuff has been happening around the young couples house. Lights have been flashing, taps have turned themselves on and off, and there has been weird unexplainable noises. Myka has brought a video camera in order to try and film some of this stuff. Katie is scared of all the happenings and just wants it all to stop, while Myka is really excited by it, and wants to catch it all on film. The events of the film take place over 20 days in the couples house. Things start off fairly tame, but the weirdness just keeps on ramping up, which pushes the sanity of the couple to the limit.

This review is gonna be kinda boring as I'm not gonna give anything away. The film is shot entirely in a suburban house. There are 4 characters in the film, but for the vast majority of the time it is just the couple. Being filmed with a hand camera could have led to shaky vision, but a lot of the time a tripod is used, a fixed viewpoint of the couples bedroom each night. The special effects in the film are amazing, and look more realistic due to an amateur camera being used. The acting is to a very high standard, the couple really seem like a authentic real life couple.

The film is very scary. By the end I had tears of fear streaming down my face. There were only really 2 or 3 really terrifying bits, the rest was anticipation of scares that caused the fear. This really felt like a spiritual successor to The Blair Witch Project, completely unrelated plot, but the actual feel was the same feeling I had watching Blair Witch. One of creeping dread, and real fear for the safety of the characters. The film is set on a day/night cycle, so most the scary stuff happens at night, making the day scenes wonderful each time they arrive.

Complaints though. Firstly it seems stupid the couple would continue to stay in the house with all this awful stuff happening to them. Sure there is the argument that whatever is happening will follow them no matter where they are, but couldn't they go to an open all night place, just to be surrounded by people and safety? I would have ran out that house as fast as possible very early on, and not just stayed there and endured night after night of terror. Secondly, being single I feel I missed out on some of the terror. It's just so hard to relate to the couples situation having never been in a relationship, as such the film sometimes felt alien to me.

As a side note, there is a story Katie tells her boyfriend early on in the film about being haunted as a child. The tale she tells is nearly identical to what my Mum told me many years ago allegedly happened to her as a child, which lent some fearful reality to the film.

Well worth watching, and quite scary.

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Colin (2008) - Zombie Film Review

Colin is a low budget zombie film with a difference. The difference being that it is a fantastic film! After utter dross like The Zombie Diaries and The Zombie Chronicles I had convinced myself that low budget meant non-existent acting, non-existent plot, and painfully bad effects. Colin was like a ray of sunshine.

The film is kind of unique in that it follows the exploits of a zombie, rather than the usual focus on survivors. The film follows Colin as he ambles around some unidentified British town during a zombie apocalypse, accidentally getting involved in various activities such as a house siege, zombies vs. humans street battle, and even a kidnapping. The film appears to have no plot, but at the end in an inspired Usual Suspects style twist it becomes apparent in a bitter sweet way just how much relevance to his pre-zombie life the locations and people he comes across during his amble actually were.

The film is amazing at creating a real sympathy for the zombie Colin. He comes across as almost an innocent. Sure he is a flesh eating innocent, but guiltless nonetheless. Following him in between the usual zombie shenanigans he comes across as sweet almost. Whether it be his angry confusion as some humans attempt to steal his trainers, or his puzzled wonder at some Duplo bricks he finds he comes across as endearing.

The soundtrack is good at creating a mood of just how messed up things. For the most part it sounds like the music is playing in reverse, a dreamlike quality to it. The zombie makeup is very good seeing how little the films budget was (just £45 allegedly). The worst parts of the film are actually those involving humans. The film for the most part has no dialogue, but scenes involving large groups of humans reveal the usual dreadful acting and oddness (eg: a man at a zombie invaded party when dragged to the ground, repeatedly stops trying to push away the zombies clawing at him to adjust his hat).

An amazingly bitter sweet and original film, a definite must buy for any zombie fans, or horror fans in general.

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UPDATE: my dear best friend (who I actually found as a result of this blog) uses Colin against me in any argument about her sometimes bad taste in zombie films. She insists it is a terrible film and so I put in a disclaimer here that this may not be for everyone's tastes.

Modern Warfare 2 - Videogame Review (X-Box 360)

The game on everyones lips at the moment is Modern Warfare 2, the wait is finally over; here are my thoughts on it! The game is good, probably even great, and is made up of 3 distinct parts.

Firstly there is the single player campaign. I have played through this on Normal, Hardened, and Veteran mode so have a good feel for what it's like. The plot carries on from the first game, in fact the introduction credits have scenes from the previous game playing behind them. It's 5 years later and...stuff is happening? This stuff involves an international terrorist Makalov, plus a invasion of the USA by Russia. To be honest the story is a garbled mess and makes no sense which is a shame, even after multiple play through I'm not quite sure of the games events. What I do know is that Makalov was a student of the one armed bloke Soap killed in Modern Warfare, a man called Shepherd is in charge of the USA army, and that Soap and others make a big appearance.

The game is shorter than Call of Duty 4's single player. My first play through took just under 5 hours on Normal. Subsequent playthroughs on the higher difficulties took around 6 hours I think. The game looks fantastic, and the missions are quite varied and full of spectacles, mostly set pieces such as helicopters falling out the sky, buildings collapsing etc. There is the controversial airport massacre level, but in all honesty it's quite boring, and I skipped the level for my repeat playthroughs. There is nothing to rival the nuclear explosion of the first game, and nothing could replace the amazing slow motion ending of that game (it pointlessly tries, but of course fails).

The second part of the game is Special Ops mode. This is a collection of mini games involving lots of different challenges. There around 25 of these. They range from missions involving surviving waves of enemies, to defusing bombs in a set time, to snow mobile races down a mountain. They are fun, but quite hard, but a welcome addition. My only gripe is that some missions are co-op only, meaning I can't experience them.

Lastly is the team online modes. The longest replay value. It builds on everything good about Call of Duty 4's death matches, and improves it with more options. There are a variety of Kill Streaks to unlock, as well as Death Streaks (rewarded to players repeatedly dying). The maps are a similar size, but seem to feature more areas to hide. I didn't like the original as I joined it too late so couldn't get any fun out of it. This time I'm going to try and play daily to keep the map layouts fresh in my mind.

A great game then, I picked it up for £26, so damn worth what I paid for it.

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Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) - Horror Film Review

Freddy's Dead - The Final Nightmare is the film in which Freddy is finally defeated once and for all (or had meant to be at the time). A weird message at the start of the film states it is ten years in the future, every single child bar one in the town of Pine Woods has been killed by Freddy. The adult population have gone insane over all the deaths, and are in denial that it could be Freddy Krueger. Freddy chases the last surviving child out of the town so that he can bring more children/teenagers back for him to kill. It is revealed that Krueger had a child who was adopted, he hopes to be able to escape Pine Woods (to which he is confined) by using his child.

There is more back story revealed in this film. Finally a reason for his power is given which neatly explains how he has been able to keep returning after being defeated in each film. The backstory to his wife and child is odd in that it has never been mentioned in previous films, but it's cool to see Freddy as a normal human in the flashbacks. You also get to see him as a child in the film which is also cool.

The town in the film is very odd, it seems really odd that all the towns people would have been made insane by Freddy's reign of terror, and the whole scene set at the town fair is just really odd with too much over acting.

The film doesn't look as grimy as previous films, more clean. Freddy Krueger's role is played more for laughs with him breaking the fourth wall by him giving winks and nods to the viewer, he is the least scary he ever was here which is a shame. The way his death is dealt with is not very spectacular either. Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare was an enjoyable film, but would have been a disappointing end to him if it really had been the last film.

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