House of the Dead II: Dead Aim (2005) - Horror Film Review

I've owned zombie horror film House of the Dead II: Dead Aim for many years, but I had such bad memories of the Uwe Boll directed original that I had long put off watching this sequel. That original made the cardinal sin of being as dull as dishwater, even if it had a couple of inspired moments, such as editing in gameplay from the Sega video games it was based on during some of its more action packed scenes. In terms of quality, this Michael Hurst (New Blood) directed sequel is not better, but is more entertaining in that special way that only low budget zombie films can be.

A university science professor trying to perfect a serum to resurrect the dead (a short but sweet role by cult actor Sid Haig - The Devil's Rejects) results in the accidental unleashing of a virus that turns the students and teachers of the university into flesh hungry ghouls. Catching the attention of a zombie hunting organisation known as A.M.S, they send two agents; Nightingale (Emmanuelle Vaugier - Saw II) and Ellis (Ed Quinn - Werewolf: The Beast Among Us) as well as a small group of soldiers to the place of learning. Their mission is to retrieve a blood sample from patient zero, with the hope a vaccine can be created from the blood. They are working against the clock however, the army planning to destroy the place by missiles in order to contain the contagion.

This was cheesy, predictable, and silly in a way that if not purposely done, was still a good reflection on the cheesy video games that the property spawned from. Over the hour and a half runtime there are many easily avoidable deaths, groan worthy one liners, and stupid ideas. One of the things I most love about zombie films is that it doesn't matter if the plot is particularly good, as long as there are enough undead I am going to be happy, content to switch off my brain and let the goofiness and mayhem wash over me. Unlike the first movie, this one remembers to be entertaining, from the start to the finish there isn't really a let-up, with the action forever increasing, and the odds of survival getting more and more ridiculous. Side characters mainly existed to be swiftly killed, it was funny how fast the soldiers were defeated, even one of them who stated he had fought the undead before, kept mistaking zombies for survivors until his luck ran out. Most memorable of these soldiers was Bart (James Parks - Kill Bill: Vol 1, Vol 2), a self serving and cocky man who was as entertaining as he was sleazy. I liked Nightingale and Ellis, they didn't have much to them other than tonnes of bravado and a willingness to be cold as ice when it came to dealing with the recently infected, but they did remind me of the protagonist duos you would see in the games.

Initially in small numbers, the amount of walking corpses increases as the film goes on. There did seem to be a bit of main character energy with the protagonists, as they are able to survive intense close quarters fighting of large groups without getting bitten or scratched, while the more expendable characters instantly get bitten. To be fair to them, by the end of the movie the zombie actors direction seems to be 'pretend you are in a mosh pit at a hardcore music festival' as they seemed to do little more than rush the heroes with their arms windmilling in large circles! There is plenty of blood, plenty of action, and a couple of references to the games. The games are not known for their deep stories, and this is the same, the plot is incredibly basic and fitted the vibe of a short and sweet arcade machine light gun game. Some later story beats were more silly than serious, but it gave a reason to increase the tension and threat level. Zombies were plentiful and looked the part, often appearing in huge groups. Nothing like the games, there were just zombies here and no other creatures, and those zombies look like former people rather than lab grown monstrosities. I was fine with this though, I was more than happy that the film was enjoyably dumb rather than a lesson in tedium. I also appreciated how this was linked to the first movie, rather than being a completely self contained story. Lastly, I enjoyed the bleak ending to this, always good to see in these types of movies!

With zombie films it is never so much 'is this good?' but more 'is this fun?' House of the Dead II: Dead Aim is not a good movie, but it was an enjoyable one. The university setting might not be the most original, in fact, there is little here that is original, but there are spirited performances from people who are likely all too aware of the level of film they are acting in. The story might be incredibly basic, but I kind of get the feeling that was the intention, and being from the early 2000s (that I have huge nostalgia for), this was a zombie film that did exactly what it set out to do, mindless entertainment.

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Rampo Noir (2005) - Horror Anthology Film Review

Rampo Noir is a Japanese horror anthology that pays homage to the works of writer Edogawa Rampo, someone who is famous for his horror and mystery fiction. It contains within it four short films, each a different take on Rampo's stories, with this produced by the same team behind the cult film Ichi the Killer. At two hours fifteen in length, this is the longest horror film I have seen for a while, but as always, I do love anthologies.

It begins weirdly with 'Mars's Canal'. This six minute long short was done by music video director and visual artist Suguru Takeuchi. I can't say I was that taken with it. The first half of the short plays out in complete silence, this led me to thinking I had an issue with my speakers and so spent that time trying to fix them! It was actually meant to be silent however. What little story there is has a naked man (Tadanobu Asano who features in each of the stories) walking towards a pool of water in a barren desolate location (assuming it is meant to be the surface of Mars?). In the water he sees a version of himself reflected that has him naked while beating up a naked woman. I didn't really get what this was meant to be about, very arthouse in style, but thankfully it was very short.
I felt like things really began with the second short, 'Mirror Hell', which at around forty five minutes in length was able to tell a decent story. In this one, directed by new wave auteur and long time Ultraman director Akio Jissoji, a detective (Asano) is investigating the strange deaths of a series of women, each victim found with their face melted and a similar looking mirror near their body. The evidence seems to point to local mirror maker, a beautiful young man who fears his mirror making skills are hampered by his sordid desires. This one mixed a blend of the procedural police drama type genre of people investigating the crime scenes and the victim's bodies, mixed with the supernatural. It had a surreal tone to it, reflections playing a key part, with mirrors seeming to be in every single scene, so characters are constantly being reflected multiple times. I liked the H.P Lovecraft style feel to elements of this, and the face melting scenes played out in an artistic way, suggesting, rather than showing things. It got a bit too weird before the end, but I did like the interesting way this one finishes.

The third story is the thirty eight minute long 'Caterpillar' by cult director Hisayasu Sato (The Bedroom, Naked Blood) which was certainly one of the more disturbing ones! Here, a war hero returned home severely injured, facial burns, all his limbs missing, and the inability to speak. His wife looks after him, but maybe disgusted at what he has become, she also abuses him, frequently torturing the man. Her pet name for him is 'caterpillar', the two sharing a seemingly unhealthy co-dependent relationship. This mainly takes place in a dank dusty cellar type area, the effects for the man were effective, and the story twisted. It eventually heads in a somehow even stranger direction, finishing before its story had really ended. This continues the theme of both nudity and what has been termed 'erotic grotesque'. This was seen with 'Mars's Canal' with the man beating the naked woman, again in 'Mirror Hell' with the mirror maker dripping hot wax onto a love interests body, and here with a prolonged scene of possible sexual assault against the invalid character. It was very arthouse in style, such as the scenes shown from the man's perspective, a fish eye lens type of effect used and his thoughts appearing as text on the screen.
This leads into the final film, 'Crawling Bugs' which was the directorial debut of manga artist Atsushi Kaneko (Bambi and Her Pink Gun). It stood out due to how bright and colourful it was in comparison to the others. It told somewhat of a more simple story, though this one was shown from the perspective of an unreliable narrator in that what is shown isn't actually the reality. Here, an obsessive fan kills his love interest - Fuyo, a famous star of the stage. Determined to preserve her body, he tries various different ways to stop her from rotting. There were plenty of darkly humorous moments here, the protagonist villain convinced that there are bugs crawling around his body, so wants to prevent the same thing happening to his victim. The biggest comedic darkness comes when it is revealed what the actual state of the corpse is, as opposed to the man's fairy-tale viewpoint. Thankfully there were not many actual bugs shown in this one, but plenty of sound effects used to simulate what the man believes he is feeling.

The four shorts that made up Rampo Noir were all artsy and surreal, I'm sure this is a reflection on the original stories of the author. At over two hours long this did feel quite slow. None of the films with the exception of the forty five minute or so 'Crawling Bugs' seemed to move at a quick pace. I wasn't keen on the brief first, the others, while I wouldn't say I loved them, at least had plenty of variation to their strange and surreal stories. This was unique and I feel some of the more twisted and demented scenes won't fade quickly from my mind! Rampo Noir is out now on ARROW, the streaming subscription platform as well as on limited edition Blu-ray.

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The Suffering: Ties That Bind (2005) - Horror Video Game Review (Xbox)

After a recent playthrough I can confirm The Suffering is still a fantastic video game, in fact I would put it in my top 10 games of all time. Back in 2005 I was beyond excited to see a sequel to that game; The Suffering: Ties That Bind, had been made, but my excitement turned to sadness when I found the game to be a shadow of its former self story wise, while the gameplay had been changed up to make it all so much more frustrating to play. Finally, some seventeen years later I have returned, would the game be as bad as I recalled, or would the distance of time have improved this?

The game picks up immediately after the end of the first one. Escaped convict Torque had survived the demonic horrors of Carnate island and escaped on a boat to the mainland. Arriving at the docks in Baltimore however he gets surrounded by a group of private soldiers from a shadowy organisation called The Foundation and taken into their custody. Their leader, a woman named Jordan, informs Torque that the demonic forces on Carnate were 'her life's work' and that he has been termed 'The Prime' whatever that means. Before he is given any more information there is a power blackout, and it is quickly revealed that the demonic forces from Carnate have followed Torque to Baltimore. Remembering that a mysterious man known only as 'Blackmore' has been orchestrating all the misfortunes in his life, Torque sets out into the demon infested city in order to hunt him down and finally get some answers. 

It must have been that I was playing The Suffering backwards compatible on the Xbox 360 that it looked so much better than Ties That Bind. This game (played on the native Xbox) looks extremely ugly, all blocky polygons for the characters, while the whole game looks like it has had Vaseline smothered over it. When you turn left or right there is a pronounced blurring effect, and the environments are blurry. It really brought to mind a Playstation game, though I'm sure it's not quite as bad. Having been impressed with how well the first game had held up it was bizarre to play its sequel and discover it looks so much worse graphically. An admission now, for two thirds of my playthrough of this I had the brightness setting turned down really low. All the levels seemed to be made up of just black and grey with it really hard to even see enemies. The game, unlike the first, has a real grindhouse feel to it, cutscenes have black splodges popping up all the the place, the game even ends as if a film reel has burned up. This all combined to make me believe the game was intentionally meant to be this murky, and so I came to appreciate this very dark look. Of course I then discovered the brightness setting and turned it all the way up. It made the locations actually have colour to them, but it didn't improve the poor graphics.

Meatball Machine (2005) - Horror Film Review

Wow, I can't say I had ever heard of the Yudai Yamaguchi (Abductee) and Jun'ichi Yamamoto (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Phantom Blood) directed Meatball Machine before I got sent a screener of it for review. This 2005 feature length was based on the 1999 short film of the same name. The story may be basic but this bloody and violent biomechanical body horror nightmare won me over with its great special effects.

Yoji (Issey Takahashi - Kill Bill: Vol.1) is a lonely young man who spends his time fantasizing about a woman, Sachiko (Aoba Kawai) who works in the building next to his. One day he finally gets a chance to meet her, and discovers she also has an attraction for him. Before things can progress however a strange metal object Yoji found at the dump activates, it attacks the woman before melding with her. He is rescued and the monster escapes. He learns that parasitic biomechanical creatures are secretly taking over people in the city, piloting them as machines and battling each other to the death. Determined to try and save Sachiko, Yoji sets out to find a way to defeat the creature that has taken over her.

The main draw of Meatball Machine is the biomechanical monstrosities that the possessed humans became, thankfully the special effects and make-up design are fantastic. From the very start this is ultra violent, within a couple of minutes of starting we have seen a man get his head sawn in half vertically, and not long after that a possessed child is in pieces after being hit by a car. People taken over by the creatures have all sorts of painful looking alterations to their bodies, most notably the huge screws that drill down into the victims eyeballs in up close detail! These organic/mechanical creations reminded me of Cronenberg, but dialed up to 11. Much of the film is battles between these creatures, they use sawblades, flamethrowers, bone firing guns and more with which to battle, all looks very cool and disgusting in equal measures. My favourite effect of the film had a humanoid creature bursting out the chest of a character during a nightmare sequence, looked so freaky!

Die Zombiejäger (2005) - Zombie Horror Film Review

Die Zombiejäger is a Swedish zombie film directed and co-written by Jonas Wolcher (Cannibal Fog). It very much reminded me of the low budget zombie films of the 1990's as it doesn't attempt to tell much of a story, has zombie makeup that goes all over the place in terms of quality, and has heavy rock music play whenever the fighting begins. Loving films about the undead as much as I do I can get on board with this type of messy film making, one of the things I often say with regards to zombie movies is that they fall into one of the genres when more often than not bad makeup actually benefits the picture, quantity over quality I think and here you have quite a few of the undead.

The plot for this is really quite simple, basically there has been a zombie outbreak in Gothenburg. The affected area has been contained and the government have hired three German mercenaries to come in and clear up the mess, so Heinrich, Dieter and Ivo arrive on scene to kill some zombies and along the way uncover a plot that may be far more outreaching than what first appears.

This is a very old school indie zombie flick in that outside of people battling the undead in a variety of cool ways there is not much going on. There are a couple of sub plots but they are mostly inconsequential with it all just being an excuse to battle lots of zombies. Most the film focuses on the three German mercenaries and they have many many fight scenes which usually follow the format of a shot of them firing their weapons and then the camera showing the effect the attack has on the relevant zombie. There are not many parts of the fighting that deviates from this particular style of film making and so there can be a bit of a loss in motion. However I never got bored of these fight scenes, there is a grindhouse/B-movie vibe with the desaturated look making everything seem slightly unreal. I never got bored of the low angle shots of the zombies with the sky usually attractively positioned behind them. There are plenty of guns used, as well as throwing stars and a stick. It was nice to see the CGI was limited, certainly never a moment where I felt things looked digitally fake with most the effects seeming to be practical ones. There are lots of moments of zombies eating random bits of flesh, even eating from their own wounds they have had inflicted.

Elfen Lied (2004-5) - Horror Anime TV Show Review

My best friend has been on at me for years to give Japanese anime Elfen Lied a watch, so as a kind of self serving Christmas present to her I binge watched it over the course of a week. I've been sat on this post for a while as it was a 'break glass in case of emergency' kind of thing and after an exhausting day in my day job the time is ripe. This is a horror that is based on the manga of the same name and ran for 13 episodes, it could be said to be quite bleak and depressing covering some nasty topics and featuring a lot of extreme violence.

Lucy; a deadly human mutant (known as a Diclonius) escapes the secure facility she had been kept prisoner in for several years, butchering many of the staff and guards along the way due to several invisible long limbs (known as 'vectors') she possesses. However just as she is escaping she is shot in the head with the resulting trauma creating a split personality. A teenage boy Kouta and his cousin Yuka discover her washed up on a beach at a nearby town and take her home, Lucy's split personality manifests as a mentally disabled girl barely capable of speech, who they name Nyu. Desperate to stop Lucy the facility sends out various groups including a task force, a ruthless mercenary, and other Diclonius in order to try and kill her, all of which is unknown to her new personalities innocent new friends.

Elfen Lied gets off to a fantastic start, the initial escape from the facility is amazing with blood shed and mayhem setting up the tone of the show. Blood is in high abundance, as is extreme violence against everyone. Innocents don't escape here with graphic murders of both men, women, and even children by the Dicloniuns, even I was shocked to see a child get ripped in half with her spine visible out her body! These scenes are so cool and fun to watch (within the scope of the show of course) it makes for some really exciting scenes of horror in a kind of Carrie type way. It also helps neuter the antagonists as they are mostly awful human beings who do truly awful things (such as one who is tasked with killing newborn babies who exhibit signs of the mutation within them) yet looking objectively trying to stop a mass murderer whose DNA calls for her to kill all humans is not an evil act per se.

Boo (2005) - Horror Film Review

Boo is a ghost film kinda in the vein of Ghost Ship and House on Haunted Hill (the remake). I am glad the film makers called it Boo, and not Boo! as there is nothing remotely exciting about this dreary, muted film.

It's Halloween and a bunch of College students head off to a condemned hospital that is reputed to be haunted to have some Halloween fun. Also heading there is a son of a cop who is looking for his sister who vanished a few days previously. It turns out the Hospital is actually haunted, the group find themselves trapped inside by spirits that do not seem to want them to leave the third floor. With possessions, hallucinations and spooky goings on they need to find a way to escape.

This film is terrible, as in totally terrible and not really that interesting. The ninety minute run time drags and drags, I had to watch this in three chunks, each time was like an eternity. People wandering up and down dull lifeless corridors is just not interesting. The acting is truly terrible with the usual annoyances such as characters who get over their supposedly close friends deaths immediately, ones who decide to 'get it on' with each other totally inappropriately, and actors who cannot do emotional transitions (the token jock spends half the film shouting his head off in between random periods of calmness). It is all very awful, there is just not enough going on to even have a remote sense of dread or horror. Whenever characters are going to escape the hospital there is always some lame contrivance to get them to once again head back to the damn third floor, home of cheesy flashbacks and an oh so spooky ghost child.

The plot is nothing special and takes itself far too seriously for such a poor film. Special effects are ok, too many computer generated ones (possessed victims always explode in a burst of digitised gore when shot). A zombie dog early on is kind of funny, and the film does have an actual zombie who periodically reappears throughout (the best character as she kills the really really annoying jock). Ghosts do the boring thing of moving in fast forward and warping around, all so tiring.

Boo is not scary, jump scares sign posted from miles away, characters you can not care about, and a bland lifeless hospital that for some reason fails to invoke horror. Really do not recommend this, while not the worst film is still a poor, poor film.

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F.E.A.R Files (2005) - Horror Video Game Review (XBox 360)

F.E.A.R Files comprises two expansion packs released for the original F.E.A.R; Extraction Point, and Perseus Mandate. I assume if you are wanting to play this then you have played F.E.A.R as the plot will be utterly incomprehensible if you are jumping in a virgin.

Extraction Point continues directly after the ending of F.E.A.R with you continuing to play as F.E.A.R operative 'Point Man'. Alma believed destroyed is instead still going. She sabotages your helicopter causing it to crash. Together with your two squadmates you need to make it across the city to a hospital where you will be extracted (hence the title Extraction Point). The city has felt the effects of the explosion that destroyed 'The Vault' (at the end of F.E.A.R) so there is ruination everywhere. Soon after starting, Paxton Fettel (the main villain of F.E.A.R) mysteriously comes back to life.

Extraction Point takes place over six 'Intervals' (levels) and takes around three to four hours to blast through. Many of the locations you travel through have the usual F.E.A.R curse of being boring run of the mill places. You get sewers, warehouses, a subway station, and a hospital among other places. Hardly the most exciting locations, but that's what F.E.A.R does well creating realistic locations rather than exciting gamey ones.

Enemies mostly comprise of the soldiers from F.E.A.R, new classes of soldiers appear such as one who has a giant metal shield and fires a mini gun, while some new weapon types appear such as a laser gun. Invisible red eyed children also are in abundance, more annoying than scary they run up to you and hit you before running away again.

Extraction Point really is more of the same and offers nothing new, it also features quite a muted ending. It is fun to play though despite its bland locations.

Perseus Mandate takes place during and after the events of F.E.A.R, roughly half and half. In this add on you play as the originally named 'Sergeant' who is a member of a second F.E.A.R squad dispatched to the city. You are tasked with finding out the motives of a shadowy mercenary group known as 'The Nightcrawlers'.

This add on is far more action heavy then Extraction Point, the plot takes far more of a back seat. There is not really any paranormal stuff until around the halfway point mark, instead it is a series of battles against ATC Security forces, the Nightcrawlers, and Replica soldiers (who also battle amongst themselves). New enemies are obviously the Nightcrawlers who behave much like the Replica army but are armed with a new type of machine gun. The red eyed children, and floating ghosts are joined for this instalment by creatures who pull you into the ground.

Location wise there are offices, warehouses, sewers, and plazas with the final location resembling the vault from F.E.A.R. Locations are ok, but have lost some of the believability that has come before. I actually enjoyed Extraction Point a lot more to be truthful, endless battles got to feel a bit stale, and this game even involves several boss fights.

For a budget price F.E.A.R Files is an amazing buy, you get a lot for your money, and a blood soaked fun FPS romp, just don't expect to be scared, F.E.A.R never really was a scary game, and even less so in this guise.

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Doom 3: Resurrection of Evil (2005) - Horror Video Game Review (X-Box)

Doom 3: Resurrection of Evil is an expansion pack that was released soon after the FPS Doom 3 came out. It features additional enemies and weapons in a self contained story.

The game takes place two years after the events of Doom 3 that left an entire research colony, bar one plucky marine dead after a gateway to Hell was accidentally opened. A life sign is detected in the Martian ruins and a new team of scientists are sent to Mars to investigate. You play as a marine who is with a team searching for the life sign, which you find in the form of a bizarre Martian artifact that resembles a living heart. Drawn to the mysterious object you reach out and touch it, instantly releasing the denizens of Hell once again. This time the forces of Hell are led by a demonised Dr Betruger (the human antagonist of Doom 3) and his three Hell Hunters who want the artifact. Your instructions are to bring the artifact to a head scientist at the Mars base to work out what it is and what to do with it.

Being an expansion the game is quite a bit smaller than Doom 3, it seems like a whirlwind tour of various locations that feature none of the build up that Doom 3 enjoyed. Almost right away you gain access to a Gravity Gun (must have been influenced by Half Life 2), the gun can be used to catch enemy projectiles and fling them back, usually with deadly results. This weapon does feel a bit tacked on, and can be fiddly swapping between it and your other weapons. Another new weapon is the double barrelled shotgun that is very slow to reload but at close range is the games most powerful weapon. You are also able to use the artifact which basically initiates bullet time once activated, upgrades give you first speed, then later on invulnerability.

There are quite a lot of locations but you race through them too fast to really appreciate them. Starting off in some Martian ruins you work your way to the new research base before revisiting some old locations from the original games research base (that has deteriorated into being split between dimensions) and then onto a jolly old jaunt through a monster infested Hell. Doom 3 did not have much of a story but this one has even less, again you can collect files and audio logs off of dead people but there are far less of the, and for the most part they are not as interesting to read.

All the old enemies from Doom 3 return, as well as a couple of new ones, but apart from formulaic bosses the new enemies are quite similar looking to the murky originals. The game does include quite a few zombies including new ones in the form of bio hazard suit wearing zombies encountered in the sewers, and naked zombies roaming the old science base. Resurrection of Evil cannot be called a pretty game, and seems to have a few more bugs than Doom 3 had such as skipping speech, and issues with selecting different weapons. It is worth playing if you have played Doom 3 as it clears up that games cliffhanger ending but it is nowhere near as fun or well designed as that game was.

Additional content on the disc is Doom, Doom II, and Ultimate Doom which are all worth playing if you don't already have them.

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Boy Eats Girl (2005) - Zombie Film Review

Boy Eats Girl is a teen horror flick that describes itself as a cross between American Pie and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I have to say that did not make me want to watch it but luckily it is nowhere near as bad as that. Despite looking like it was going to be an American based film it is actually Irish made, it just wishes it were set in America.

David Leon stars as Nathan; a high school student who on the night he was to reveal to his long term crush Jessica (Samantha Mumba) that he loved her is accidentally killed by his mother. Remembering a book on Voodoo she discovered in a secret crypt in her local church, she uses the book to reanimate her son. Not knowing he has been reanimated as the living dead Nathan heads to school where a fight with the school bully Samson leads to him being infected and turned into a zombie. Quite soon the whole town is overrun with zombie students and teachers and it is up to Nathan (who has still retained his humanity) and his school friends to sort out the whole mess.

The film desperately wants to be American. The whole school atmosphere and setting is identical to those found in American films but feels out of place in Ireland which doesn't have a similar school system. Half the students who are supposed to be under eighteen must be around thirty years old and look that age, also making it all seem a bit odd. Leon is a good actor and conveys the transition into zombie well, but co-star Mumba is not a good actress in the slightest. The film is held up by the double act comedy sidekicks of Diggs and Henry who provide comic relief all the way though, Diggs especially has some laugh out loud lines.

The zombies are of the running kind and are mostly students. Only the lead zombie Nathan is able to behave rationally, the other zombies are mindless apart from being able to hunt out people they knew in life. A subplot with Nathan's mum has her finding a cure for the zombie infection, but out of everyone only two people actually get the cure, the rest are butchered mostly in a scene involving a threshing machine which goes to Brain Dead levels of over the top gore. After the survivors experience I am pretty sure they would be messed up for the rest of their lives!

The American Pie references come with lewd jokes about penises and gay people, which were not needed or funny, but luckily did not come to dominate the film due to a lot of the obnoxious characters being killed. The film was OK but it is off putting to see old actors trying to play school students, as well as the Americanisation which was not needed (least the characters kept their Irish accents and didn't attempt American ones!). Boy Eats Girl has quite a lot of blood and gore and some decent lines in places but the story is really nothing new.

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Feast (2005) - Horror Film Review

Feast is a film I have owned for a while now, I picked it up from a supermarket bargain bin, so excuse me for not taking time to watch this ace film earlier!

Feast takes place at a remote bar in the middle of the Texan desert. The patrons are having a usual night of drunkenness and misery when a stranger bursts into the place. He explains he is being chased by monsters and that everyone needs to lock down the bar. Moments later a monster sticks its head through the window and ends his life. It seems after one of their number was killed in a road accident a group of strange creatures have become determined to kill all humans they can find. The people of the bar have to work together to barricade the building and survive the night whilst under constant attack by the strange, violent monsters and their offspring.

The film is set in the one location and apart from a few times the film never leaves the building the survivors are barricaded in. It reminded me a bit of From Dusk Till Dawn. The film has a vein of black comedy running through it which is more hit than miss. Each character has their own bio that pops up on screen to introduce them. These bios are painfully unfunny. The rest of the humour actually works, it comes mostly from the interactions the various characters have, as well as the sordid way the monsters act. For the most part the characters are not that likable; the corrupt owner of the bar, a travelling motivational speaker, the local loser, a single mother as well as other stereotypes. It is funny how some conventions of the genre are played with though such as when one of the characters starts heavily quizzing the old lady of the group on what's happening 'your old, you must have heard some sort of tale or local legend in your lifetime! Tell us what you know!' (to paraphrase). It sure seemed funnier within context of the film! Also the way the main hero is killed within minutes of arrival (and just after his hero speech) was fresh.

The monsters are quite cool looking. For the most part you don't get to see them much and when you do they look fake. There is a reason they look fake though as they are dressed in roadkill, and wear animal skulls over their heads, it is only late in the film you see their true form which is far more gooey and scary. The monsters seem quite obsessed with sex. Early on in the film a poor character gets slimed by one of them becoming covered in monster semen which leads to the character being covered in maggots (live maggots) for the films duration (I hate insects, they turn my stomach). The child monsters hump everything they come into contact with, and the male monster gets its member sliced off with a hatchet at one point. The film has lots of gore, people getting utterly covered in projectile goo, blood and other bodily fluids. Quite quite icky. There is violence aplenty with people getting limbs lopped off, heads crushed, eyeballs pulled out left right and centre, it is all over the top though and quite entertaining!

Sure the plot is nearly non existent but in a film like this a plot isn't really needed. Feast was successful enough to get two sequels which I am quite interested in seeing, as this was a well made, fun and exciting film.

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F.E.A.R (2005) - Horror FPS Video Game Review (Xbox 360)

I like cheevo mining (playing back through old games to get additional achievements), and recently played through F.E.A.R (known as Fear from now on) in pursuit of some. Fear was quite an early XBox 360 game, and was ported over from the PC. It was billed as a survival horror first person shooter due to the presence of a creepy ghost child in a red dress called Alma who popped up at points throughout the game.

You play as the 'Point Man' for a secret special ops group of the U.S. government specialized in dealing with paranormal threats. A man named Paxton Fettel has escaped from a cell, and has gotten control of a battalion of soldier clones that he can psychically control. Your squad have been charged with hunting Paxton down, as with him captured his psychic link with the clone soldiers would be broken. Starting off at some abandoned offices you soon learn that his clone army is assaulting Armacham Technology Corporation (ATC) which leads you there. Eventually you discover ATC's experiments with a young girl called Alma who it seems Paxton is trying to locate. It seems that both you and Paxton have some connection to this crazy ghostly girl.

The game is first and foremost a first person shooter. The main enemies are the clone soldiers who reminded me heavily of the main enemy of Half Life 2, both in looks, and voices. The soldiers yell out commands to each other and show a surprising degree of A.I. They try and flank your position, use cover, and even try and retreat should they get too battered. The other type of enemy is the ATC security forces. They have been instructed to stop anyone from finding out ATC's secrets. At some points in the game when the clones and ATC both turn up they start fighting between themselves letting you either watch, or use the distraction to take them all out. The enemies are fun to fight, and are quite varied, especially with the introduction of invisible assassins (that the recent Wolfenstein copied) and powerful mechs.

The character you play as - Point Man has bullet time powers. You are able to briefly slow time down which is key to taking out the many enemies, as well to escape explosions. You can hold up to three weapons at a time. These range from the normal guns expected such as assault rifles, and shotguns (the shotgun is a very cool weapon in this game!) to more experimental weapons such as a gun that fastly fires bolts that can pin enemies to walls, and a long range rifle whose bullets totally strip the skin off the victims it hits leading just a bloody skeleton behind. The aiming for the most part is annoying though, as even zoomed in you never get to really have precision on where you are firing, so I tend just to spray bullets in the general direction of enemies.

The game like Condemned: Criminal Origins all takes place in ultra realistic locations. The game even uses the same objects, such as identical calendars showing up. This makes the game feel like it takes place in the same game world as Condemned. Starting off at dockside warehouse, you go to the ATC HQ, as well as derelict buildings, and a underground vault. There are friendly characters you encounter during the game which splits up the fighting, but most the chatter takes place over Point Man's headset he is wearing.

The supernatural element of the game mostly revolves around Alma. Usually when nothing is happening (there are lots of times when you are exploring places with no enemies) the screen will rumple, static will play and then you will see Alma creepily walking around. A few points she will actually be after you, but mostly it is just to try and create fear. Paxton does the same to you, and also you have hallucinations every now and again that transport you to a hospital setting where the walls literally ooze with blood.

Talking of blood, the game is quite bloody. You are not able to maim enemies, but shooting them results in lots of clouds of blood, as well as the walls, and floor getting caked in the stuff, this looks real cool. The locations have lots of destructible elements, mostly windows, and crates, but there is nothing better than making an entrance to a room via shotgun blast to a window.

F.E.A.R is really not scary, and the plot takes itself far too seriously, but despite this it is fun, and addictive. The later games reduced the fear element and added in more mechs and action, but F.E.A.R is at it's best when there is action punctuated with slow exploration sections.

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Dark Remains (2005) - Horror Film Review

Dark Remains is an American ghost film, made in 2005. It has somehow won two different awards for best horror film. The film is cheaply made, but does look good.

It starts with a montage of two people committing suicide; a man shoots himself in the face, while a woman slits her wrists whilst in a bathtub. Next we see a young couples child being brutally murdered. The couple; Julie (Cheri Christian), and Allen Pyke (Greg Thompson) have moved to a cabin in the middle of nowhere at the top of a mountain. Allen hopes the change of location will help his severely depressed wife recover from the incident, while for him it is a chance to escape the city (various people think that he murdered the child, and his wife herself blames him as she reckons he accidentally left the front door to their apartment unlocked). Soon after getting there a series of supernatural events happen.  Doors open and close on their own, and Julie is able to see the body of her dead child in photos she takes (she is a professional photographer). As Julie becomes more obsessed with the mountain Allen starts to research the mountains past, and discovers a unusually high number of deaths and suicides in the area over the years.

This is very much a ghost film, and brings to mind the Japanese style of ghost films. The ghosts are angry spirits, and seem to openly hate the living. As such they look similar to the Japanese ghosts, especially the ghost of the lady who died falling down some stairs who crawls around crab like much like the woman from The Grudge. There are quite a few different ghosts, all attracted to the mountain, most specifically the couples cabin, as well as a nearby abandoned prison.

The scary effects are for the most part quite lame. Most the creeps coming from suddenly opening or shutting doors, and ghost wandering around in the background, or appearing in reflections from mirrors. The ghosts who appear in Julies photos are the best, which leads to an ace part when Allen flicks through all the photos Julie has taken (which up to that point had been shown ghost-less). Despite being scary looking the ghosts appear quite powerless, needing to possess people to get them to do anything.  It's a cool idea that only unhappy people can see the ghosts.

The acting is quite good, Julie in particular as the very depressed wife sleep walks through her role, but that's how her character is supposed to be. The local rednecks are cool, if lacking in screen time, the character of Allen is probably the weakest, as he does come across as quite annoying. The film is never really scary, a few goose bumps, but for the most part it fails. The plot is basic, but has some interesting, if not particularly exciting twists to it.

Not a bad film, and reminded me of Cursed Mountain; a Wii survival horror game that I have yet to play, but hope it's like this film. The film is rated eighteen, but am not really sure why. The film is also quite triggering with people cutting their wrists in bloody fashion.

The DVD has over two hours of extras, but I wasn't that interested in Dark Remains to be bothered to watch any of those.

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Condemned: Criminal Origins (2005) - Horror Videogame Review (X-Box 360)

I can honestly say that Condemned: Criminal Origins is one of my favourite videogames ever. I utterly love this game! It was one of the launch titles for the Xbox 360, yet is still an amazing and terrifying game, and highly atmospheric.

You play as Ethan Thomas; an FBI Agent who is part of the Serial Crimes Unit. The game starts with you and some fellow officers investigating a crime scene involving a victim of a serial killer known as 'The Matchmaker'. Things soon go south as your fellow officers are murdered and you are framed for their deaths. Now on the run from the police you are on an urgent mission to track down the real murderer and clear your name.

The game is played out in first person, but is not a first person shooter. Instead the game is a first person brawler. You must use the environment around you as weapons. For the most part iron bars, planks of wood, and fixtures will be your main weapon as you take on the degenerates of the grim city the game takes place in. Enemies for the most part consist of murderous druggies, and psychotic tramps. In their rage they wildly swing their weapons, and just as eagerly fight each other as fight you. The enemies have real urgency and madness to their attacks. They shout and taunt you from the shadows then rush out swinging wildly. They use feints to make you vulnerable, they run off and hide in ambush, they are really insane.

The locations are what makes the game so damn scary. As the title suggests the game takes place in purely run down, abandoned, and condemned buildings. Starting off in a quite bland apartment building locations soon get really good. A gutted library, a boarded up high school, a large department store kitted out in full creepy Christmas getup all ooze atmosphere. You are armed with a flashlight for the games duration. You really need it, as turning it off makes the levels pretty much legitimately pitch black. The game for the most part is silent, no background music at all. The subways give you the distant rumbling of trams, while the department store features distorted Christmas music pumping out the ruined speakers.

The story is utterly compelling. Your initial chase of the cop killer (who comes to be known as Serial Killer X) through the sewers is fantastic as you gradually track down clues to his identity, and hideout. You have help in the form of a suspicious old man called Van Horne who professed to know your parents, as well as Rosa; a fellow FBI Agent who helps you via mobile phone for the game. The story has intelligent and logical twists, yet never truly explains anything, leaving you confused, and wanting to know more. Cryptic snippets of seemingly unrelated info are provided during the level loading screens, and during the levels there are dead birds, and plaques of metal you can collect for achievements that also are somehow related to the main plot.

The game isn't all action though. Levels have some basic puzzles. Some doors cannot be opened unless you have the right tool. Some doors require a fire axe to smash through, others are padlocked and require a sledgehammer to destroy the lock, while other gates and doors require crowbars, and spades to get through. Every so often you will come across scenes of interest which sees you enter exploration mode. These only require you to get in the correct position and press X, but feature a variety of different things such as taking photos of clues, or using a UV light to trace blood stains and follow them to progress.

Condemned has a hell of a lot of weapons you can use. Everything from mannequin arms to paper cutters can be used as weapons. All connect with brutal sound effects, and get covered in blood, they really sound vicious. Guns also feature but in very limited amounts, and usually in the arms of enemies. For the main part guns consist of pistols and shotguns. They have very limited ammo, and there is not spare ammo laying around anywhere making them like gold dust. You are also armed with a taser that can be fired once before needing to recharge. Tasered enemies get stunned giving you a few seconds to snatch their weapons off of them.

This also has a supernatural angle to it. Frequently the game will change to black and white as Ethan gets premonitions, or visions of past events, and imaginary murders. It is never clear if this is real, or part of Ethan's mind. You are frequently tricked into attacking non existent enemies, and walls and doors changing places. Later levels the enemies get less and less human like, they skitter along on the ground like crabs, and have odd metal objects stuck in their flesh, perhaps reflecting the characters deteriorating mind.

I really really love this, it is fantastic. The sequel Condemned 2 was a huge disappointment to me, but I will soon give it another try.  The problem I had with the sequel was it knowingly tried to be scary, and explained far too much of the plot, somewhat ruining the mystery of Condemned in the process with it's kooky X-Files style shenanigans. Condemned is a must buy, and is one of the scariest games I have ever had the pleasure of playing. Essential.

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