Vampires VS Zombies -WTF?

This is one bad film, it is terrible! It made no sense, nothing happened at all, really confusing!

The 'plot' is as far as I can tell that theres been some deadly flu epidemic which has swept the globe. The vicitims either turn into brain dead zombies, or into Vampires. Unlike most post apocalyptic films the world is pretty much carrying on as normal. People still work, money still has value, zombies are not seen as much of a problem. A man and his daughter are on a car journey somewhere, they pick up a girl called Carmilla, and thats about it for the story.

My problem with this is that first of all Vampires are not VS zombies at all, if anything they are on the same side. There seems to be 3 differing realities going on, none of which makes any sense, the acting is terrible. Despite all this, the film is so bad it's good nearly. If you see it cheap get it, otherwise... avoid like the plague!

The World Ends With You (2008) - Horror RPG (Nintendo DS)

At first glance this game may seem unworthy of being on a horror blog, as it progresses it becomes apparent there is more here in common with the genre then at first glance.

This RPG is set in modern day Japan. It starts with you as a teenage boy called Neku who wakes on a road in his home city with no memory of how he got there. Though the streets are packed full of people he seems invisible to them, unable to get anyones attention. A weird sigil appears, out of this sigil crawl weird monsters which look like graffiti. Before his eyes a whole bunch of people are seemingly deleted from existence by these monsters. As he is being attacked a teenage girl turns up, she makes a 'pact' with Neku and they both become able to fight the monsters by teleporting to the monsters realm.

Not going to spoil the story, but it turns out that Neku and the girl are in some sort of contest. The contest takes place over 7 days, with each day a different cryptic mission is given to them. Complete the mission and they get to see the next day. Fail the mission and they will be 'deleted'. The only people who they can talk with they find are other players of the game, as well as Reapers who are in on the game, and try to impede the players progress as much as possible.

The main progress of the game is to go to different areas in the City and 'scan' for Noise, Noise being the games monsters who are attracted to negative vibes from the City folk. The different areas are usually shut off by Walls - invisible barriers. To get through these you must complete individual challenges the lesser Reapers set you.

The game is very hip. Fashion plays a big part in the game, different fashions granting different status boosts, Pin's are the main form of attack. On the DS's bottom screen you control Neku, via the stylus. Pins grant you different attacks, and you can choose any combination. The top screen has the 2nd character (who ever they might be at the time) they can be controlled via the D-pad. Luckily the A.I takes control of the top screen if your not putting in any commands, so it's not too confusing having 2 fights going on at once. The music is real cool, lots of J-pop style songs, and hip hop flavoured ditty's.

The plot is quite deep, and brings up questions on life, death, friendship and morality, there is a lot of text, and the story twists and turns nicely, and goes quite dark in places.

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Dead and Deader (2006) - Zombie Film Review

Dead and Deader is real fun. It never takes itself completely serious while being full of brain dead action.

A group of soldiers in Cambodia end up dead while on a recon mission. Only problem is they don't stay dead. A day or so after their bodies have been shipped back to America Lt Bobby Quinn wakes up. He discovers he is dead, he has enhanced senses, and he has super strength and amazing healing abilities. His fellow soldiers who died also have come back to life, the only problem is, they are the more traditional zombie type; eating people who in turn become zombies. The bodies of the returned soldiers have seemingly been sent all over America, so Quinn decides his mission is to track down all the bodies and destroy them before zombie apocalypse occurs. Along the way he teams up with the usual wise cracking wimpy sidekick who is always found in these films, and also joined by a geek girl, of course his love interest.

The writer of this film was obviously a huge film fan. There are so many references to other films, that at times it seems forced. Discussions on who the best James Bond is, which of the Dawn of the Dead films was the best, video game talk, comic book talks. So a lot of screen time dedicated to pointless student style talks. In one scene the characters are at a morgue. The wisecracking sidekick looks at a table which has a big metallic sphere on it; a reference to Phantasm (which is set in a mortuary), excellent.

The film goes along at quite a fast pace, the plot is riddled with holes, but it is good old fashioned dumb fun, and the zombies are plenty. A zombie gets pinned to a door by a pair of deer antlers - a first for zombie films I think! Dead and Deader was a fun film, just don't expect Shakespeare.

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Zombie Hooker Nightmare - A Zombie Flash Game

Another day, another Zombie Flash game. This one is made by the Adult Swim people. The game stars you as a hooker who has to fight your way through mostly female zombie hordes to collect clients, then return them to your trailer and um... lay with them.

The levels are maze like, with each new level requiring you get more clients than the one before. The clients are vunerable to the zombies until you collect them (by whistling and smaking your behind) then they follow you sheep like and are invincible. There is a wild assortment of limited use weapons you can collect. Flaming bones, frying pans, chainsaws, and machine guns plus loads more weird weapons are scattered around the levels.

For a flash game it is quite good, and is fun to play, plus the music is cool. It can be found:

http://www.adultswim.com/games/game/index.html?game=zombiehookernightmare

Golden Axe: Beast Rider - Action Videogame Review (X-box 360)

Golden Axe: Beast Rider is the new version of the classic Golden Axe games. The original trilogy were classic side scrolling brawlers, very fun in 2 player, they had fantastic music and sound effects (the original actually used sound bytes from Rambo and Conan the Barbarian!). I knew this was not going to be anywhere near as good as the originals, having received mediocre reviews. I really enjoyed the 'making of' videos for this game, and seeing it cheap I picked it up.

The game is a 3d brawler, kinda like Devil May Cry-Lite. It sees you as Tyris Flare (the Amazon from the originals) berserking over the land on a quest to rescue your Dragon God (who has been kidnapped) and avenge your clans death by defeating the evil Death Adder. Unfortunately the game is single player only, a real missed opportunity, the Dwarf Gilius Thunderhead, and the Ax Battler only turn up in cut-scenes.

The bad things first then - as I said no multi player mode. The music is really generic and rubbish, it's also really quiet for some weird reason. The locations are quite bland, and there is far too many open areas, and no levels set in castles like the originals. The boss battles are really fun, but there just isn't enough of them, which is a shame as for the originals the bosses were mostly fantastic. Death Adder in particular was real fun to fight, though nothing beats his amazing appearance as the end of game boss in Golden Axe 2.

There is a good variety of enemies. Right up to the end new enemy types are being introduced which keep the game feeling fresh. The game is quite violent with Tyris ripping enemies in half left right and centre. She has her fire magic from the originals which is fun to use. As you go through the game you collect gold from treasure chests and defeated enemies which opens up access to better magic, and also access to more revealing costumes for Tyris (by the end of the game shes wearing virtually nothing which isn't really sensible of her).

The Beasts of the title are quite fun to use. As well as the fire breathing and whip tail beasts from the original come cool Gorilla type beasts, and Rhino Beasts. They are very violent in thier attacks, and a welcome reprieve from the button bashing nature of the game normally.

The game features the thieves from the original who you are able to attack to collect chicken legs, gold and potions from by hitting them, they even have their trademark jaunty theme play when they appear.

I did enjoy this game, though it is certainly not a great game, and not a patch on the originals.

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Planet Terror!

Planet Terror was real fun. This was part of the 'Grindhouse' double bill. The more famous 'Deathproof' was directed by Quintin Tarantino while this one was directed by Robert Rodriguez. The double bill was a homage to the 70's grindhouse movies, and was not released in Europe as the double bill it should have been.

Planet Terror is a zombie film. Zombie films are great! The zombies vary quite a bit, and seem conscious of their actions rather than mindless, being able to talk, and use weapons. The film is really authentic in it's style, similar to the videogame 'House of the Dead:Overkill'. The whole film has a grainy look to it, right from the retro title credits, all the way to the end, and even includes a broken reel scene, where the film cuts out and comes back much later on in the film which is used to comic effect (for example the Sheriff who had detested the main hero has apparently had some big revelation during the missing scene and now thinks the main hero is amazing). The film is very funny, and knowing in it's nods to the grindhouse films.

The film features several guest appearances, among them are Bruce Willis, Tom Savani, and Quentin Tarantino. Worth seeing just for the girl who has a machine gun for a leg!

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Diary of the Dead (2007) - Zombie Film Review

I long put off seeing Diary of the Dead; George Romero's fifth entry in his '...of the dead' series. The first three were fantastic, and still are. The fourth one Land of the Dead however was utterly terrible and over produced.

Diary of the Dead is shot in a The Blair Witch Project style (or I guess The Last Broadcast as that came first). I mean that it's shot entirely from hand held cameras and security cameras. This came out around the same time as The Zombie Diaries. The zombie diaries also is shot via hand held cameras, unfortunately it had no budget, and suffered with some very boring sections. I managed to buy two copies of The Zombie Diaries as got confused with the title of that and this one!

I found this quite cheap in Tesco, so I picked it up (along with Planet Terror). This film is really good! Having a budget really helps, the film has a storyline, the cameras don't suffer from the usual shaky movements these films have, and the zombies look like zombies.

A group of film students find themselves in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. At first they are disbelieving, and think all the news reports are hoaxes, but it soon becomes apparent that it is really happening. One of the students records their adventure as he wants to preserve their journey, and is mostly shot from his perspective. He comes across as a real douche, filming his friends being attacked rather than help them. His escape from the terrors is by hiding behind the camera is how I see it.

Anyway I am blabbering. Diary of the Dead is entertaining and is intercut with news reports from around the globe which give greater depth to the apocalypse. A return to the series roots, a re-imagining of Night of the Living Dead set in modern day, recommended!

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Days of Darkness (2007) - Zombie Film Review

With films like Days of Darkness you really know where you are. Terrible acting, cheap music, and lots of blood, beautiful!

The film starts with a couple out on a camping trip. Returning from the mountains they discover that while they've been away everyone seems to have died..and come back to life as genitalia-less zombies. Rescued by a sword wielding man they are escorted to a small mountaintop military base where a ragtag group of survivors are holed out.

Hilariously despite it being less than twenty four hours since the zombie apocalypse the survivors are already using ridiculous names like 'Slasher' and 'DJ', I personally would have left it at least a week before reinventing myself. The group is a mixed bunch, included in the group are a porn star, a gay guy, a mad preacher all at each other's throats seemingly. The characters are quite interesting, my favourites was the farmer Chad who acts like a complete arse bossing everyone around with his shotgun, and the mad preacher who keeps on quoting excerpts from Revelations (of Bible fame).

The film starts off as pure zombie fest, but turns into more of a sci-fi as the main character reaches bizarre conclusions as to the virus origins (which while true in terms of plot, in the circumstances are totally far fetched leaps). At one point in the film for instance the main character gets out a zombie penis he's been carrying around in his pocket, wrapped in a hankie and shows it to everyone while discussing a theory, and they all react as if it's the most normal thing in the world to do!

Days of Darkness was entertaining and had a satisfying message about the goodness of alcohol. Lots of zombies, blood, and quite a few tentacles make for a terrible yet fun film.

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The Barber - Horror Film Review

The Barber is a thriller set in a small American community during the middle of a dark winter. A young woman's body is found in a lake. Malcolm McDowell stars as the barber of the small town. Via his narration it becomes pretty clear straight away that he is the killer of the girl, and that not only is he a killer, but he is a serial killer.

The style reminded me kinda of 'Fallen' - another thriller narrated by a serial killer. And the whole perspective of the film was also familiar to that. I mean that a lot of the film is mostly told from the investigating cops perspective, with Malcolm sharing about 50% of the film time on his story. Despite it being known by the viewer that Malcolm is the killer, it is still thrilling to watch as the cops piece together clues as the body count rises.

The main theme music is very Burton-esqe, and fits the permanently dark snowy setting well. Malcolm is great as the barber, though I can't help feeling that even if the viewer had not been told who the killer was, it would have been obvious because Malcolm's character is so obviously the murderer! From the way he looks, to the way he talks to the townsfolk, it's kinda obvious!

The film was surprisingly good, I think it's the first film I've seen Malcolm in since 'A Clockwork Orange' so I amused myself by pretending in my head he was the same character, but grown up from that film.

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Zombie Games I intend to buy when I get paid...

I cannot wait until I get paid. As my life is Hellish at the moment I'm looking forward to getting lost in some videogames. This isn't so much a blog post as a rambling of my hungover thoughts. But anyway, the games I intend to buy (hopefully!) are thus;

House of the Dead 2 and 3 (Wii) - I actually already have House of the Dead 2 on the Dreamcast and on the X-box, and have House of the Dead 3 on the X-box, so I'm kinda a sucker for wanting to buy them yet again.
Zombie Revenge (Dreamcast) - I'm hoping to track this down in E-Bay, I used to own it, and thought it was quite average with awful controls, but it has a level set in the mansion from House of the Dead, so that's really cool!

Silent Hill 5 (360) - I meant to buy this this month, but due to personal issues I wasn't in the mood to buy things. I love this series, obviously Silent Hill 2 is the best, but I have a real soft spot for Silent Hill 3, I feel it was under-rated. Silent Hill is still fantastic, and Silent Hill 4 I did enjoy, eventually on my third play though.

Resident Evil 5 (360) - I was totally put off this game by the dreadful demo, and having no friends on the 360 makes me dread having to play though the game with a hidious A.I controlled character, but I do love the series, and the story, so must get it really.

Onechanbara (360, and Wii) - I'm going to buy both the 360, and Wii versions of this game, as one is the sequal to the other (I think the Wii one is the sequal). There quite cheap (well they were, I hope they still are) and should be some good zombie mashing fun.

Left 4 Dead (360) - I have been putting off buying this game for so long, again as I have no 360 friends to play with, or actual physical friends. I know it is multi-player only, but I guess I will just have to play it with strangers.

Call of Duty: World at War (360) - I thought the demo was ok, I'm more interested in the zombie modes though, plus one of my 360 friends (I have about 7 or 8, but never ever do anything with them, not too sure why I even bother keeping them on there) plays the game constantly, as in all the frickin time.

Resident Evil: Gun Survivor (Playstation) - Lastely this one, I used to own this, despite looking like crap, it was actually quite fun, or so my memory tells me. The lack of a save point was annoying, but I remember cool monkey like SWAT team monsters, and the story is canon which is really cool for a Resident Evil nerd like me.

So there you have it, the list of games I intend to buy depending on cost (I have bills to pay). Hollow times indeed.

Life is Hell: hence lack of updates

My life really really sucks at the moment, part of me died linking my existence to a part of Hell, so have not been in the mood to write any posts lately. Maybe if I manage to climb out of Hell I will update soon...

I will say though that Hell has a bitter metallic taste to it, has no smell, and kinda feels like someone smashing your mind in with a hammer, it's not a good place to be.

AVP: Alien VS Predator (2004) - Horror Film Review

I recently saw AVP: Alien VS Predator on DVD after years of putting it off. I admit I'm not that big a fan of the Alien films, I find them too slow paced to tell the truth, and the only one I liked was Alien: Earth Hive, and that's a book, not even one of the films (alright, so I did enjoy the Alien3 Megadrive game also). As for Predator I thought the second film was lame, but did enjoy the first one, and the Batman VS Predator comic book.

Onto Alien VS Predator. I think crossovers are a neat idea in principle, Freddy VS Jason was amazing if simple fun. I thought this film was ok, but not something I would ever watch again. A massive temple buried under ice in the Antarctic is discovered. A team of explorers heads there to investigate, as do a team of Predators. It turns out once every hundred years young Predators head to the temple to do battle and test their Predator-ness. Deep underground an Alien Queen is chained up in a block of ice, and unfrozen by the Predators every century to produce Aliens for the Predators to do battle with.

The story is silly, and ridiculous, ending up with a damn annoying female teaming up with a Predator to battle a Alien Queen, totally silly dumb fun. I can't see fans of either the Alien or Predator series getting any satisfaction out of AVP: Alien VS Predator.

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Boogeyman (2005) and Wind Chill (2007) - Horror Film Reviews

My life is the nightmare at the moment, so it has been good feeling more up to watching films, than doing real life stuff. I saw two horror films today, one good, and one not so good.

Boogeyman is a film about a man who has had mental issues his whole life due to the apparent kidnapping of his father by a closet 'boogeyman' he saw when he was 8 years old. Upon learning of his crazy mothers death, the man returns to his hometown, and to the house where he witnessed his fathers' capture. That's about it for plot, needless to say, it turns out the Boogeyman is very real, and not his eight years old self's explanation for why his father left. One by one his friends and family get picked off by the Boogeyman until with a young girl's (Franny) help he realises he must confront his fears if he is to stop the monster.

The film was ok, not fantastic, though at times does demonstrate a messed up kind of reality. The Boogeyman itself is all CGI it appears, and looks really generic and boring. There is no violence or gore, all the people who are taken by the Boogeyman are just never seen again.

So I wouldn't really recommend buying Boogeyman, though it has made me interested to see what the original was like (this is a re-make of a 70/80's horror).

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Wind Chill on the other hand was quite good. The film has hardly any characters in it, mainly focusing on a college boy and college girl.

A girl catches a lift home for the Christmas holidays off a fellow student, but one who she doesn't know. As they travel the boy acts oddly, and gets the girl thinking that perhaps he has ulterior motives for giving the her a ride. This seems to be the case when the boy decides to take a side road off the main highway and heads into a snowy, remote road leading through woods. Before she can confront him though a hit and run driver causes them to crash. With the car completely dead the couple have no choice but to spend the night in the freezing car as a blizzard rolls around them. Strange apparitions soon make them both realise there is more to fear than each other.

The two main characters are excellently cast, the boy is a strange stalkerish geek, with the girl being a head strong but slightly bitchy character. The film starts off as a thriller, and is at its strongest as such. After this it turns into more of a ghost story, but still entertaining. The characters are both likable enough that you do want them to survive the events they find themselves in.

Despite nearly the entirety of Wind Chill being set in the broken down car it never gets boring, it reminded me of a New Zealand zombie short I saw last year, the confined space of the car amps the tension. Recommended, original, though similar atmosphere in it to the good 'Dead End'.

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